Paul Simon is Too Much of a Badass to Prosecute


None of this is shocking. Paul Simon is a badass. You take him to court, you reap the whirlwind, suckers.

Just the mere fact that they considered charging him is terrifying enough. This man watches the throne, my friends. He controls souls with his fingertips. He makes a phone call and Heaven is heavier with Angels. When words are spoken, bones are crushed and this man dances with the puppet strings, casually calling out the names of those who have wronged him. Real criminals cry themselves to sleep, afraid their name will appear on his lips. Frank Miller is too scared to make anything that has his face in it. That last scene in Scarface? That's a Tuesday night in Paul Simon's house, bitches. He reloads rocket launchers like some people go for a snack.

The thug life. That's Paul Simon's jam.