Did Spring Breakers Hurt the Image of Riff Raff?


Riff Raff has a legal burden in this case that is going to be difficult to carry. I hope he wins, and I hope he wins big. Jet skis cost a lot of cash, bro. Then, they need an oil change or something.

When your name is Riff Raff, you are already on the outs with the system. When you can't get people to respect you, they will turn you into a clown and steal the image you've been cultivating--the very same image that got you out of your previous situation and made you famous. The problem is, the character that James Franco portrayed in the film Spring Breakers is a generic white rapper who may look and sound like Riff Raff but, in reality, who has Riff Raff been ripping off? He's a combination of Vanilla Ice and Eminem with a little Kid Rock thrown in. There's nothing original about him and he has to prove that the movie hurt his image. If anything, the only reason why lame bloggers know who he is would stem from the fact that those girls had big boobs in that dang movie or something. Was anybody even looking at him when all those boobies walked by? I mean, holy hell. What was that film about? Who is James Franco anyway? Is he a thing? Was there a jet ski chase in that movie with a girl on the back yelling stuff? Dayum!

When your name is Riff Raff and your stated preference and/or game is white rap, there aren't many good things that are going to come your way in this life. You might become a target of the ire of law enforcement. You might end up with a Corvette but I would be willing to bet you that it will have transmission problems almost immediately because not everyone who is running errands for you is going to know how to drive a stick. You might get a record deal, except there aren't really any record companies anymore. There are people who pretend to sell music after you pay to get it made, though. Some of those idiots might part with some of their money. The world runs on money and people need to get paid. How do you get paid when rapping is finished? I have no idea. A guy like Riff Raff has to figure that shit out while sitting in the middle of a churning lake on a jet ski that doesn't have any gas in it, I would imagine.

When your name is Riff Raff and the world is not enough, what do you do? You might get rich, briefly, and your boys may not bring the police into your crib with their personal habits right away. You might find yourself some women who aren't stereotypical hip hop women, but how long will they last? How many jet skis are you going to crash when your name is Riff Raff? How many cheap pickup trucks (that Corvette don't run no more, dawg!) are you going to have to make payments on when your boys need to run and get you groceries because they won't let you into Piggly Wiggly anymore? County tax assessors are the bane of rural rappers. When the tax man comes looking for his pound of flesh, how much money is a guy like Riff Raff going to have sitting in an escrow account? All of a sudden, you gotta sell three of your best jet skis and then, well, what are you going to do when your boys want to go riding? It's what they call a conundrum.

When your name is Riff Raff, holy Mother of God, this is a hard life. Let's all hop Riff Raff wins one so he can relax on a jet ski and not have to deal with the reality imposed on him by an unforgiving land of serious people.