Monday, August 30, 2010

My Guess is that She Will Get Away With It

Who is still using cocaine? Haven't we graduated, as a society, straight to crack and meth? Isn't the use of cocaine something you would expect out of an old musician or someone from an old money family (hold on, this is Paris Hilton we're talking about)

Isn't this tragic story of police inquisitiveness gone horribly wrong a misunderstanding, after all? Does anyone think that a real narc would be able to point out the "vapor trail" emanating from the vehicle in which this young lady was riding in? Doesn't that sound like a questionable use of police resources? Or am I out of practice as a narc?

Paris Hilton denied owning the purse in which police say less than a gram of cocaine was found after a traffic stop on the Las Vegas Strip, according to an arrest report released Monday.
The 29-year-old celebrity socialite acknowledged owning $1,300 in cash, several credit cards, a package of Zig-Zag rolling papers and a broken tablet of the prescription asthma medication Albuterol also found in the purse late Friday during her arrest at the Wynn Las Vegas resort.
"She told me the purse was not hers, that she had borrowed it from a friend," police Lt. Dennis Flynn wrote in his report of Hilton's arrest shortly before midnight Friday. The friend was not identified.
Flynn said Hilton had asked to be allowed to go into the hotel after her boyfriend, 34-year-old Las Vegas nightclub mogul Cy Waits, failed field sobriety tests given by a motorcycle officer who stopped them in a black Cadillac Escalade that Flynn said smelled of marijuana smoke.
Flynn said Hilton denied owning a small plastic "bindle" containing 0.8 grams of cocaine powder that the police lieutenant said fell out when Hilton opened the purse to get a tube of lip balm.
"Hilton admitted the Albuterol ... was hers and is prescribed to her, but the suspected cocaine was not," Flynn wrote. "I asked Hilton whose cocaine it was, and she said she had not seen it but now thought it was gum."
Hilton's lawyer, David Chesnoff, said Monday that he would not comment on the police report.

It's true--I used to inform the police all of the time as to who was using, selling, or possessing drugs in my general vicinity. It didn't seem to matter where I was or what was going on. Drug users pop up on my radar as if I were gifted in some way (this helps me as a Gentleman Bounty Hunter, of course, but you already knew that).

I used to be able to smell the Chronic from a mile away and then help the police officers track down whoever was using the drug. I'm mainly pro-legalization now; our long war against the Chronic has been a dismal failure, and the stuff is really harmless anyway.

Cocaine is fairly bad, though. It will destroy your nasal passages and turn you into a flaming asshole, and I use that term lightly. Super bitchy young women who are chasing thirty and using the drug are more like "mega-bitches" on cocaine, especially if they have money and fame. You do not want to see what this will look like when everyone is done wrangling.

Saying "it wasn't my purse" sounds like a panicky thing to say. You do NOT go into someone else's purse to get lip balm in front of a police officer; you get your personal items from your own purse or "man purse" as the case may be.

My guess is that she will get away with it. Andrew Sullivan got caught using weed on public lands; he got away with it. How much money did Paris remember to give to Obama? That will make a huge difference, since the arrest happened in Nevada. Someone from her side of the tracks needs to quietly make a few donations into the coffers of Senator Harry Reid while they can still help the old fellow out. He might be able to make things easier for Paris.

One thing is certain--the girl lives like it's 1987.

Friday, August 27, 2010

You Should Limit Your Use of the Chronic When You Are Healthy

I used to be fairly dead-set against the use of the Chronic. We called it drugs in the olden days. It was illegal then, and it's illegal now, but the science is pretty clear: that Chronic will just make you giggle and fall down a lot. It's not like Angel Dust. Heavens, in this country, the Chronic and Angel Dust were the end all and the be all of demented trips through fire and hell and screaming and cops and gunfire. Americans once lived in a form of gripped terror at the thought of naked men on Angel Dust, riding motorcycles and swinging Harley chains. Those days are now gone.

Mary Louise Parker has a show on called Weeds (I've watched it, and it's pretty good but I don't obsess over it like I did when Gilmore Girls was on) What's here to stay is a more pleasant and tolerant view of using the old Chronic:

O.K., here’s what happened. I was at a party, and I’d been kind of sick recently. I was in the hospital and on some really heavy antibiotics. But I went to this party anyway, and I was in the bathroom the whole night, on the floor. I was just so ill. Somebody at the party was like, “The only thing that’s going to help your nausea is marijuana.” And I’m like, “I don’t have any!” But then I remembered, somebody had given me a pot lollipop.
A lollipop made with THC?
Yeah. We did something about pot lollipops on Weeds. But those were props, obviously. Then somebody gave me some real ones. People give me pot all the time. I put them up in my closet, on the very, very top shelf, where I keep all my shoes, just so my kids wouldn’t find them. I don’t need that.
Why did you keep them at all?
I guess I thought … I don’t know. Maybe I’d have guests over to the house and they’d want to … ? I have no clue what I thought I was going to do with them.
So remember, she does have that show, and it's supposed to be a clever way of promoting the show to talk about things like the Chronic when pesky media people try to interview you, but nevertheless. Watch out when you admit you've broken the law.