Saturday, May 30, 2009

Another Reason I Won't Do Facebook



Even though I don't have a crazy wife, I'm afraid that all of the hotties would "friend" me and put me in their buddy list thingamabob and cause her to lose her mind. Sort of like what happened here:


Atlanta Falcons offensive lineman Quinn Ojinnaka is free on bond after being accused of fighting with his wife over his Facebook activity, police said Friday.

Ojinnaka, a fourth-year reserve drafted out of Syracuse in the fifth round of 2006, was charged with simple battery, said police spokesman David Schiralli in suburban Gwinnett County.

Police said Ojinnaka's wife confronted him about contact with a female friend on Facebook. Police said he tossed her down some stairs and threw her out of their house in Suwanee late Tuesday.

Ojinnaka, who has started seven of 30 career games, told police his wife began the fight by attempting to stab him with a pen.

Falcons spokesman Reggie Roberts said Friday that coach Mike Smith had talked with Ojinnaka, but the team would have no further comment.


The NFL seems to have a problem with these kinds of things, but then again, society seems to have a problem with these kinds of things. There's no reason why this should end someone's career. Wait a minute--yes, yes it probably should be a warning sign that a career could come to an end. There's no reason why you should throw a spouse down a flight of stairs over a Facebook post. That's something that should maybe cause this young man to sit out for a year.

My dear readers, Facebook is evil. It is corrupt and full of predatory pedophiles. Or is that MySpace? I can't tell the difference.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

The Space Shuttle is As Boring As Toast


I can remember when the Space Shuttle was a big deal.

Sadly, it's not any kind of a deal anymore, and people are bored with it. The Space Shuttle is about as exciting as riding on an Amtrak train. The only difference is the smell and the presence of politicians. When there are politicians riding an Amtrak train, all bets are off.

You are likely to see full frontal nudity and a stab wound that has bled out on an Amtrak train. You're likely to see someone old, scientific and boring on the Space Shuttle. If they were smart, they would have sent that crazy astronaut into space with a loaded gun and a grudge against half of her crew. They should have dumped her, her rival, and the man she loved on an abandoned space station. The video would have been amazing.

There's a definite lack of drama in the US Space Program right now. Rainy weather is delaying the Space Shuttle landing:

NASA postponed the landing of space shuttle Atlantis until Sunday because of weather concerns.

Rain at Kennedy Space Center in Florida canceled plans to land the space shuttle Atlantis on Saturday.

The next landing opportunity at Florida's Kennedy Space Center will be at 10:11 a.m. ET Sunday, NASA said.

Edwards Air Force Base in California is available as a backup option should landing at Kennedy Space Center not work, NASA said.

It was the second consecutive day that NASA had decided to push back attempts to land the space shuttle because of lingering rainy weather in and around the Gulf of Mexico.
Now, if the people at NASA who are going to be taking over were looking to create some drama, they would let it land in the rain, perhaps while emitting smoke from a wing or something like that. They could strap someone to the rear fin thing and have him pretend to hold something down so that the Space Shuttle can land on one wheel, perhaps. If I was going to stage something, I would have a space dog hanging out of a port on the side with a tether in his mouth, and attached to that tether I would have a plucky female astronaut who is from Texas hanging on for dear life. Do we have any daredevils out there who want to do tricks with the Space Shuttle? Do we have anyone who wants to fix the GPS satellite system? If that thing fails, a lot of pathetic morons are going to be driving into bodies of water or into storefronts. Couldn't we have a band of rebel astronauts go into space with a stolen Space Shuttle, fix all of the GPS satellites, steal an alien technology from a superior alien race, and then crash the Space Shuttle upside down into the river while on fire?

A better post might speculate on where all of the daredevils have gone. I was looking forward to a shuttle landing today, and instead, I get nothing. If I were going to review my own day so far, I would be cruel and say that today has been a dismal failure. Day, you get nothing. You're a disgrace. I have sat here, idly watching television and speculating about when the stock market will break 9,000 and sustain a good rally. Hmm...perhaps I am as boring as toast as well.