Family

What Are They Going to do With Roger Clinton?

I have to admit that I have not thought about Roger Clinton in what seems like twenty years. In terms of modern politics, that's forever and a day. His arrest on drunken driving charges mere days before the California primary is an indication of something, but who knows what? A cry for help? Dumb luck? A need to feed the right wing hate machine yet another piece of red meat?

He's the former President's half brother, and that former President's wife is about to conclude the race for the nomination for President of the United States. They couldn't get someone to babysit Roger for a few weeks? How about finding something for him to do until the year is out?

You can't ignore this story because it's going to be fodder for right wing news sites. This is basically what they served up throughout the 1990s--every embarrassing aspect of Bill Clinton's life is worthy of a front page write-up in the New York Times, up to and including the time they found a long-lost brother-in-law not named Roger. I expect Maureen Dowd to sympathize with poor Roger and talk about how his manhood has been sapped from him by that woman who will be president.

Your Kids Belong in the Car, Not on the Roof


This is a story about parents who have lost control of their common sense:
LEAGUE CITY, TX (KTRK) -- One League City neighborhood attracts people from all over with its homes decorated for the holidays.
But Tuesday night, as Jeremy Barron was headed home, he saw something he had never seen before.
"As I passed by them I saw the kids sitting on the roof and it just blew my mind,"said Barron.
Barron says he saw as many as three children riding on top of a minivan as it cruised through the neighborhood. He couldn't tell if they were restrained in any way. There were two adults inside. Barron has no idea who they are.
Now, this was Texas, not Florida. Based on my super scientific application of incompetent Photoshop, there was an older kid holding on to a smaller kid. They may have been tied to the luggage rack.



Bad parenting. Bad, bad, bad. And worse Photoshopping, too. Well, at least I don't use Photoshop on the kids.

America Will Never Be Rid of the Palins


When things like this happen, all you can do is wish the best for the lucky couple and imagine what the next few years are like, what with the death of irony and the elimination of self-respect from American political discourse.

The Palins are forever and you're just living in their world.

How is This Even Legal?


Damn, life is so inconvenient:
Pam McGonigal, who began using Uber last year to ferry her 14-year-old daughter from dance class in Silver Spring, Md., back home to Chevy Chase when she got stuck at work in the District, said she had never considered a taxi for the job.

“I just have reservations about my pretty little girl going out and hailing a cab,” she said.
But Uber’s competitors question whether that trust is misplaced.
Dave Sutton, spokesman for the Rockville-based Taxicab, Limousine & Paratransit Association, noted that officials in Los Angeles and San Francisco have questioned the company’s methods for screening drivers. He said unlike the taxi industry, Uber’s background checks don’t include fingerprinting. Uber officials said the company does not use fingerprinting as part of its background checks, but said they think the process they use is more comprehensive.

“Obviously, everybody loves their kids, but the idea of placing a young person with someone who hasn’t received a criminal background check is terrifying,” Sutton said. “We’re working to make sure that people understand that.”
Oh, yeah--that screening process for cab drivers is embedded in the psyche of the American consumer. Did that cab driver pass his background check, no one has ever asked, ever. Why not just admit you're a shill for the cab companies and Uber made you crap yourself for days at a time?

Some people love their kids more than other people love their kids, and Uber is proof of that? 

No, the proof of that is found in exactly how much of your life you are willing to surrender to the idea that the safe transportation of your children from one place to the other is kinda your own damn responsibility. We are now in an age where it's okay to outsource the schlepping of your offspring to someone who has a car and needs money. No judgment, please. Life is such a pain in the ass for busy people who want to live somewhere nice and do everything all of the time without thinking of the consequences.

They're your kids. You had them. They want to do activity stuff. You're busy. It's easier to put them in a car with a complete stranger and hope like hell everything works out for the best. Yay! No guilt necessary. Don't be a shamer. Be a sharer of space in a car. Get with the program, grampa. 

Jeebus.

Everyone Knows Ronan Farrow is Frank Sinatra's Son


If Mia Farrow, who is certifiably nuts, were to ever admit that Ronan Farrow is the biological son of Frank Sinatra, she would lose her moral authority as the aggrieved party in the whole Woody Allen mess. Everyone knows this.

The rule of thumb is, you stay away from these people as far as you can; if you're an actor with a certain amount of vanity, you're allowed to go do your one Woody film so that you can have credibility. The rest of them, ugh. Nothing is worse than a blog post that mentions these people, not even a story about some jackasses who drowned a dog because they were doing donuts on the ice.

Tri-State Munchie Run


Technically, it's not brazen if you're not smiling on security camera footage.
An 18-year-old Kentucky man and his 13-year-old girlfriend who have been missing for 12 days are believed to have taken off on a crime spree across the South, authorities said Thursday, during which they're suspected of having stolen at least two vehicles — one of which had guns in it.
"It is imperative that these two be located and apprehended as their behavior is becoming increasingly brazen and dangerous," the Grayson County Sheriff's Office said in a statement.
The sheriff's office identified the pair as Dalton Hayes, 18, and his girlfriend, Cheyenne Phillips, 13, whom Cheyenne's father reported missing on Jan. 3. They're accused of stealing a neighbor's red Toyota pickup truck, which was spotted on security video nine days later outside a Walmart store in Manning, South Carolina. The couple themselves were captured on video entering the store.
Someone needs to calm down. Americans have more guns than anyone else, and leaving guns in a car is as stupid as it gets.

Have they shot anyone? Nope.

Are they on a run for munchies? Probably.

Which parent thought it was okay for an eighteen year old male to consort with a thirteen year-old girl? Hopefully none of them.

Is this going to lead to a couple of completely innocent people being shot by paranoid idiots? That's a distinct possibility.

Alert me when they're only eight days ahead of the law, okay?

Oh, and South Carolina's age of consent is 14, by the way. Yes, as crazy as that is, this is the law:
The legal age of consent in South Carolina is 16. However, individuals as young as 14 years old are able to consent to have sex with a partner who is 18 years old or younger. Submitting to coercion, especially of an aggravated nature, is not consent.
Something tells me that they're just waiting for a berf-day.

In any event, that's some excellent parenting.

This is How You End up Broke


Jack Johnson of the Columbus Blue Jackets let his parents "manage" his affairs. Here's what they did to him:
Miller was the first lender, extending a $1.56 million loan on March 9, 2011, that Johnson’s parents used to buy the home in Manhattan Beach, a third of a mile from their son’s residence, while he played for the Kings.
Johnson, a source said, believed that his parents took out a mortgage using money left to them in the will of a relative who had recently died.
The loan — which carried a 12 percent interest rate, almost three times the market rate — quickly went into default because it called for an initial payment of more than $1 million. (The contract extension Johnson signed with the Kings didn’t kick in until the following season, and he didn’t have that much in the bank.)
One day after the home loan was signed, on March 10, 2011, the Johnsons borrowed $2 million at an interest rate of 12 percent from a software developer in Iowa named Rodney L. Blum, who this month won a seat in the U.S. House.
Blum’s office did not respond to interview requests left with Blum’s spokesman by The Dispatch. It’s unclear how Johnson’s family came to know him or why he was making a personal loan at a high interest rate.
Barely a month later, on April 14, 2011, the Johnsons borrowed $3 million — at 24 percent — from Pro Player Funding in upstate New York, a company that “monetized” several NFL players’ contracts during a work stoppage. Former NFL stars Vince Young, who went bankrupt, and Bryant McKinnie, who was sued for default, were among the company’s clients.
Johnson was sued by both Blum and Pro Player Funding within a month of the loans being signed. He signed settlements, according to court documents, without appearing in court to contest the lawsuits.
To settle Blum’s suit, Johnson had $41,800 — or 25 percent — garnisheed from his bimonthly Blue Jackets paychecks over much of the past two seasons.
The next two years brought additional loans and additional defaults, sources said, but the next loan that ended up in the court system was extended on Sept. 13, 2013: a $400,000 loan at 18 percent from EOT Advisors in Tarrant County, Texas.
They essentially used Johnson's future earnings as collateral and "monetized" his contract, which has bankrupted him. When you're borrowing money at an interest rate of 24%, you've essentially entered a financial zone reserved for Rent-a-Center customers and payday lenders. They could have each taken a million dollars and that would have left Johnson solvent and in great shape. Instead, they used a series of loan schemes to take everything this kid had, and then some.

In other words, a professional hockey player who signed a contract worth $30 million dollars in 2011 has about $50 grand in the bank, if that.

Johnson has severed himself from his family, by the way, and has no idea if his 16 year-old brother is being taken care of by his parents. Now that the gravy train has stopped, hopefully they've been able to get jobs and start paying back their son.

Yeah, right.

Pandora's Caberet in Waterbury, Connecticut


My grandson and I were there: holla back, FOOLS!

I hasten to describe how difficult it was to visit Pandora's after my grandson Chip and I made the decision to sample Waterbury's night life. Chip is going to graduate high school this spring, barring any more academic moves against him, but he is 18 and they let him into the establishment. We did enjoy ourselves, but we did not appreciate all of that gunfire.

It seemed to detract from the table dance we had paid for because you could tell the poor young lady was nervous. I also thought she was a bit under weight as well, but when I suggested she add a few more pounds, she asked the bouncer to remove me for being rude. I offered up advice for a woman on how to put on "curvy" weight as opposed to babyfat weight, but to no avail. I have all of the science on this, and it requires eating the right amount of Doritos with cream cheese.

Chip stayed until they made everyone leave, and I still don't know how he got home. I left with a woman named Bubbles or Jennifer, depending on whether or not her lisp was acting up, and we went to Wing it On because duh.

Until We Meet Again


So much for the comeback of America's hypocrite:
Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer and his wife are ending their two-decade marriage. 
Spitzer and his wife, Silda Wall Spitzer, issued a statement late Tuesday announcing the split. 
"We regret that our marital relationship has come to an end," the statement reads. 
The couple then said they will not address the subject further.
The subject won't come up again until Eliot Spitzer decides that he deserves the power being denied to him and that he should run for political office. He is addicted to the power and respectability that negates his inability to control his libido. They love this stuff in New York until they feel that someone is just not worth the time or effort. Spitzer doesn't strike the kind of fear that he used to. Without that juice, he's just another washed up old man who keeps trying to wear a hole in his pants.

No One Knows What They Are Doing at 27


Congratulations, dingbat. You made it into Time Magazine.

Wait, there is still a Time Magazine? I did not know that.

In any event, the fetishization of lifestyle choices continues to be an American navel-gazing experience. If you don't want to have children, you have that right. This is America. But don't tell me that you have life figured out at the age of 27. Changes will hit you in your life, things will happen, and your decisions can be put into flux at the drop of a hat.

The act of deciding not to have children should be a freedom enjoyed by many and there shouldn't be anything socially unacceptable about it. Plenty of people know they are assholes and they have chosen not to inflict society with their douchebaggery and their assholedness. Good for them. Give them a tax break.

And, just to be clear, when you write about yourself as if you are unremarkable, you are trying to show people how much "different" you are from them because of the act of writing. If you were truly unremarkable, you'd put on a muu muu and tell Time Magazine to go fuck themselves.

The Things We Do To Our Kids


Miss Thurman can name her child whatever she wants. At some point, it will be necessary for the child to shorten her name, but that's none of anyone's business.

For some reason, I keep thinking of the song "A Boy Named Sue," and how it resonates today as something that people simply wouldn't consider doing because we are now all but enthralled by the idea of elevating children to a perch so far above reality that there would be no possible way that a father could "toughen" up his future son by giving him such a name. If someone did try that, child protective services would get the courts to change Sue to Steven.

Moderate Those Comments, Please


There's a very nice story about Heather Matarazzo and her long-time girlfriend Caroline Murphy. They plan to marry in the state of New York in the near future, and it's the sort of story that I normally wouldn't blog about because how many times can you say, "congratulations," and "that's wonderful."

I'm only putting this up because of the single comment at the bottom of the story:



Just the one "thumb's down?"