Kiester

You can't laugh at the town of Kiester anymore because, well, the joke got old a long time ago:

The small Faribault County town of Kiester, population 501, is going to soon have some national recognition.

Some residents, however, are not so sure they want the notoriety.

A New York advertising agency is coming to the town to film scenes for a new Preparation-H hemorrhoids medicine television commercial.

“Yes, we know. They are doing it here because of the name of the town,” said Kiester mayor Doug Trytten. “And some of our residents don’t like that.”

But, said Trytten, joked about the town having the same name as a euphemism for a person’s backside have been going on for years.

“They (the ad agency) approached the City Council basically asking permission to come and use the town for the commercial,” Trytten said. “We (the council) chuckled about it, then voted to allow them to go ahead.”

The ad agency crew had planned to start filming this past week, but postponed it for a couple of weeks due to the weather, according to city clerk Doris Troll.

I have been loosely familiar with a thing called Faribault County my whole life. I was born and raised in Freeborn County, which is exactly the same shape and sits slightly to the right of Faribault County. This has convinced me that I am superior somehow, but not as superior as someone from the aptly name Mower County, which is slightly to the right of Freeborn County. In Southern Minnesota, as long as you aren't from Winona County, you're just alright by me.

We have laughed our whole lives at Kiester, which is somewhat like Conger and nothing like Bricelyn, which is a hotbed of sedition and confusion. Or is that Alden? I used to know a lot about these places and then I up and left like I should have. Here's how these towns work--a lot of old people live there. A few people live there and they have small kids. There's a pop machine, a guy trying to sell something, and a couple of places that are boarded up and used to be things. Someone works on cars and someone else put in a place where you can get a handful of overprices groceries. If you can't make it to Hy-Vee, you get something in town, you know. Did you read all of that? Well, congratulations, because if we were in a car going 30 miles and hour, you and I just passed thrown Kiester in a blink of an eye.

Anyone going from a New York City ad agency to Kiester is going to have their mind blown by the culture shock that awaits them. Perhaps they should ease into it and stop off in Albert Lea so they can be beaten up at the Nasty Habit and have their credit card skimmed on South Broadway.