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Sex Tape Lawyer

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It is because I am a naive boy who was raised on the Minnesota prairie that I did not know that one could aspire to the job of "sex tape lawyer."

I knew there were lawyers, of course, and I knew that if you went to college and then law school, you could practice law anywhere in the country. Anywhere in the world, maybe, although being a lawyer amongst people who don't care about the law is a worthless endeavor.

Did you grow up wanting to be a sex tape lawyer? Was there a void in your life? A need for titillation? I don't want to judge, but becoming a lawyer who specializes in the litigation of who owns what when it comes to a sex tape is like throwing away good talent and hard work. What did you do to get to the top of that industry? Where did you advertise? Who did you have to con in order to make it big?

Come on, spill it.  You have to have people with specific legal needs, the money to transact between each other, and a surfeit of sex tapes that will allow you to be the litigator you always wanted to be, a lawyer who handles the legal ramifications of sex tapes.

Pretty good gig, I suppose. You could make millions. That's all that matters today.

Now, go away.

Who are these horrible shits? These terrible people with no morals and a mastery of the ins and outs of the laws surrounding people who film themselves having sex with others who don't necessarily know (wink, wink) they are being filmed for prurient reasons?

Who injected these foul, misbegotten garbage can people into our politics and our discourse? We are not supposed to have to explain to ourselves how this goes on. I'm not some moral prude. I don't care if Bill Clinton got a blowjob. I would expect that he would have been a bit more careful about it, but okay. 

But this? These people around Trump?

Why, they're the equivalent of a massive ball of fat, lard and shit coagulated in the pipes below London Town. They're holding back the flow of the rest of the sewage we don't want to live in, the flow that takes it to the treatment plant and cleans it up as it should be sanitized and handled. 

Your taxes pay for that service. But the people around Trump are wasting our time, frittering away our money, and letting their personal immorality get in the way of solving real problems. God, just fuck these people for being so unpalatable and rancid in the way that they do things. What a waste, seeing these sex tape lawyers go at it like starving hyenas.

When the River Disappeared



Sometimes, an entire river just disappears and leaves a bunch of fish there for people to pick up and take home with them.

Now, I don't know about you, but if I knew that a river just up and disappeared, my first impulse wouldn't be to go find the river--it would be to walk in the riverbed and look for cool stuff. But that's me. When rivers disappear, my priorities are completely out of whack.

No Man Would Ever Talk This Way


When women talk about their friendships, it means they care:
This video is the second in HuffPost Women's four-part series on female friendship inspired by Wendi Murdoch and Florence Sloan's upcoming film Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, which will have its premiere in Los Angeles on July 15.
One of the film's principal themes is the power of female friendship -- to overcome life's obstacles as well as enhance its joys and successes. Wendi and Florence met 10 years ago at a dinner party and have been an emotional support system for each other every since. Partnering for this special film project has brought them even closer together.
This series' first video, which we ran last week, features Wendi and Florence talking about how they became friends and what that bond has meant for each of them.
Fave quote: "You know, we're low maintenance friends."



Men don't talk this way. But, if they did, their friendships would probably mean more and last longer. Women have a way of cutting through the bullshit that I don't think men are smart enough to appreciate. These two women speak openly and honestly and it doesn't sound forced or canned. It sounds low maintenance. And men should try to do low maintenance as often as they can.