Law

Lori Loughlin

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America’s beloved TV sweetheart is not going to go down without a fight:

 Actress Lori Loughlin has lost acting gigs and been the subject of public wrath after being charged in the college admissions scandal.

But beyond the court of public opinion, how strong is the legal case against Loughlin and her fashion designer husband?

That is the question her legal team is now trying to answer.

Loughlin and her husband have refused to plead out to federal charges, and it appears they aren’t in any hurry to do so as their legal team hunts for errors in the prosecution’s case.

“Her attorneys have made it clear that they are not going to be rushing into any deal with the prosecution,” said Louis Shapiro, an experienced federal litigator. “They want to perform a thorough analysis of the evidence and then help their client make an informed decision about what is in her best interest to do.”

The couple feel they were genuinely duped by William “Rick” Singer, the admitted mastermind of the scheme, into paying $500,000 to help get their daughters into the University of Southern California, according to a source familiar with the negotiations.

Loughlin and her husband, Mossimo Giannulli, had no sense they were engaging in any kind of crime, hence their not guilty pleas and continued reluctance to plead out, said the source, who spoke to the Los Angeles Times on the condition of anonymity.

The real threat here is not to Loughlin’s acting career but the future of her daughters on social media. All of that has collapsed. What looked to be an extremely lucrative future as an influencer has ended up being a nightmare run through the back alleys of fraud and money laundering. The actions of the parents have tainted the future of their children. Instead of owning up to a mistake, they’re going to weasel their way out of this by exploiting technicalities.

I can guarantee you—the case against Loughlin probably has some holes in it. But what’s missing here is at least a tacit admission that rich kids get into colleges and college admissions officials don’t seem to dig very hard when it comes to figuring out who should or shouldn’t get it.

America is not a meritocracy. America is rapidly becoming a kleptocracy separated by the same kinds of class barriers found in old European nations. We have always known that there were universities like Yale and Harvard that would crank out mediocre human beings that would be gifted with outlandish expectations and achievement goals upon graduation. This has given us our current political situation—a stumbling, incompetent trio of generations that failed to stop Trumpism, fascism, and nationalism.

You can hardly fault a TV actress for trying to set her indifferent kids up for a lifetime of skating by on their rather thin accomplishments. Perhaps Americans would have seen some benefit from experiencing the leveling grace of the guillotine. Who knows?

No, No We Don't Answer That

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There is no contrition on the part of Bill Cosby. He imagines himself Jesus, and he has a view of himself that believes he is being persecuted so he can maintain the air of superiority that a PhD used to provide:

Bill Cosby was sentenced to several years in prison on Tuesday for sexually assaulting a woman over a decade ago. 

Judge Steven O’Neill gave Cosby, 81, a sentence of between three and 10 years in prison for attacking Andrea Constand in 2004. Constand is one of more than 60 women who have accused the previously beloved comedian of preying on them over the past five decades.

The real tragedy is that this didn’t happen fifty years ago when it really would have taken a bite out of the quality of his life and prevented many more victims from having to experience what it was like to be drugged and raped.

It all started four years ago:

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Camille Cosby smiles, uncomfortably shifting in her chair. Staring off camera, switching positions, silent. In the latest contribution to the Bill Cosby saga, we see husband and wife side by side as he addresses the very act of questioning about his numerous rape allegations in an AP interview (above). Mrs. Cosby continues to smile and looks away from the reporter several times, both she and her husband presuming that the cameras have stopped rolling. I will not read into her silence. I will not pull meaning about this woman and her thoughts and decisions other than to say that in the watching, the silence is palpable, wince-inducing and profoundly painful.

That exchange highlights the most meaningful currency in this 30+ year long drama that is just now seeing its climax unfold on the public stage: silence. At every turn, it is the silence that serves as a proxy for power in the story of Bill Cosby, his alleged sexual deviance and the current downward spiral of public opinion. Silence here, as in most cases, represents the power wielded and power taken by those who are seen as, well, powerful.

Everything went to hell after that interview. More women came forward. You could feel the momentum shift. Cosby and his legal team have done everything in their power to destroy every victim, delay the judgement of the courts, and keep him out of prison.

So long, motherfucker.


Sex Tape Lawyer

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It is because I am a naive boy who was raised on the Minnesota prairie that I did not know that one could aspire to the job of "sex tape lawyer."

I knew there were lawyers, of course, and I knew that if you went to college and then law school, you could practice law anywhere in the country. Anywhere in the world, maybe, although being a lawyer amongst people who don't care about the law is a worthless endeavor.

Did you grow up wanting to be a sex tape lawyer? Was there a void in your life? A need for titillation? I don't want to judge, but becoming a lawyer who specializes in the litigation of who owns what when it comes to a sex tape is like throwing away good talent and hard work. What did you do to get to the top of that industry? Where did you advertise? Who did you have to con in order to make it big?

Come on, spill it.  You have to have people with specific legal needs, the money to transact between each other, and a surfeit of sex tapes that will allow you to be the litigator you always wanted to be, a lawyer who handles the legal ramifications of sex tapes.

Pretty good gig, I suppose. You could make millions. That's all that matters today.

Now, go away.

Who are these horrible shits? These terrible people with no morals and a mastery of the ins and outs of the laws surrounding people who film themselves having sex with others who don't necessarily know (wink, wink) they are being filmed for prurient reasons?

Who injected these foul, misbegotten garbage can people into our politics and our discourse? We are not supposed to have to explain to ourselves how this goes on. I'm not some moral prude. I don't care if Bill Clinton got a blowjob. I would expect that he would have been a bit more careful about it, but okay. 

But this? These people around Trump?

Why, they're the equivalent of a massive ball of fat, lard and shit coagulated in the pipes below London Town. They're holding back the flow of the rest of the sewage we don't want to live in, the flow that takes it to the treatment plant and cleans it up as it should be sanitized and handled. 

Your taxes pay for that service. But the people around Trump are wasting our time, frittering away our money, and letting their personal immorality get in the way of solving real problems. God, just fuck these people for being so unpalatable and rancid in the way that they do things. What a waste, seeing these sex tape lawyers go at it like starving hyenas.