The Poor Woman is Being Hounded Into Obscurity

Kate Gosselin
Perhaps it's me, but my pity for Kate Gosselin comes from a realization that, in a past life, I was probably a douchebag, and Kate Gosselin once married a douchebag, so there it is.

Douchebag husbands leave you lonely, and high and dry. No one knows this more than Kate Gosselin:

Even before she was booted from “Dancing With the Stars” Tuesday night, seeing Kate Gosselin in tears had become a common occurrence.

Was the crying something she was doing for sympathy? Was it a failed attempt to garner votes to keep her on “DWTS”?

Skeptics would like to think so, but according to a friend of the mom/reality star, that’s not the case. Really, Gosselin is feeling pretty alone these days.

“She’s lonely, unhappy and doesn’t really know who in the world she can trust,”  a Gosselin friend told In Touch Weekly. “Her emotions are getting the best of her.”

Oh, it's heartbreaking, I know. I've done so many things that I'm ashamed of, not the least of which was telling the family court judge that I had no idea who my own children were. Yes, the judge called us in, and when the decision was rendered to assign Byron and Miranda to me (because they were juveniles), I tried the soap opera trick of pretending to have amnesia. I wheeled about the room, stunned, repeating over and over again, "I don't have any idea who these kids are!" Miranda, of course, played along, pretending to be Helen Keller. Byron sort of messed things up by pretending to have Lou Gehrig's disease, but, bless his heart, he was the most believable of all of us.

It was not meant to be. The judge assigned me custody of the children and I had to learn how to be a single parent. The loose girlfriends I had during that period helped me to feel less alone. My considered advice to Kate is this--have sex with some easy-to-discredit commoners, like insurance salesmen or television personalities, and fulfill your needs for now. Douchebags are the currency now, and, as you age, spotting them gets more difficult. Enjoy being a single parent. Find good help. Obscurity is right around the corner for poor Kate, unless she can avoid marrying down and being seen with someone clawing their way to the bottom.