When You're Nobody, Never Cross a Celebrity

No, it wasn't much of a project

I am rather fond of the ability of celebrities to destroy the little people. They destroy fans, assistants, family members, even former lovers with surprising grace.

Here's a story about how one celebrity destroyed a little person who dared to use Twitter the right way:

One afternoon, [Actress Jane] Adams came into the restaurant for lunch. Ingels, 31, served her an order of soup and a lemonade. Waiting on a celeb was nothing out of the ordinary, Ingels said, because due to the restaurant's proximity to major L.A. talent agencies, actors dine there regularly.

However, what happened next was pretty unusual.

Ingels dropped off the bill, which came to $13.44. Adams' face turned red as she fumbled through her purse, Ingels said. "I left my wallet in my car!" Ingels recalled Adams saying."I'm so sorry!"

Ingels told Adams it was OK to go to her car and come back when she found the checkbook. "Her face was plastered on billboards all over town," Ingels wrote on his blog after the incident. "It's not like I wouldn't remember who she was."

"She never came back that day," Ingels said on the phone from his home in West Hollywood.

The next day, a representative for Adams came in to pay the actress' tab -- sans tip.

Ingels thought it was a funny anecdote to tell to his few-dozen Twitter followers. "Jane Adams, star of HBO series 'Hung' skipped out on a $13.44 check. Her agent called and payed the following day. NO TIP!!!" he Twittered.

Now, I don't know about you, but someone who steals from a restaurant is a petty thief. Clearly, this was a dine and dash that was cleared up the next day by the hired help. When you send an assistant, who likely has no money of their own and needs whatever coins or singles that can be skimmed from the top of whatever petty cash they're handed once a week, expect no tip.

Ingels soon forgot about the incident. Over the next few weeks, he documented his observations of other celebrities who buzzed around the restaurant.

Ali Larter came in for a drink, and, as Ingels noted in a tweet, was "not wearing a bra." In another update, Ingels asked, "When did Tori [Spelling] become hot?" In yet another, Office stars Mindy Kaling is chatting with B.J. Novak, whom Ingels described as "hungover."

About a month after the run-in with Adams, the actress returned. She stormed up to the waiter and slapped three dollar bills on the table in front of him, Ingels said. Clearly caught off guard, Ingels replied, "Thank you so much," he recalled. "You didn't have to do this."

"Well, I read about it on Twitter!" Adams retorted, according to Ingels.

Now, what you use Twitter for is easy to understand--you use it to destroy others. I wish I was able to use Twitter that way. Up to this point, I just use it to spam others with links to my wonderful blogs.

Ingels should have tweeted: "Kur-raaayzee Beyotch report: Jane Adams just quoted my tweet back 2 me. ZOMG!!! She looked like Skeletor's Slutty Sis!"

That would have been the end of it, of course. Instead, Ingels panicked and tried to be a suck-up:

Clearly feeling guilty for the embarrassing tweet, Ingels sent a few more tweets. "I love Jane Adams," he wrote. A few minutes later, he followed up by declaring her "a great actress."

But the damage had already been done. A Barney Greengrass representative began following his Twitter account, and he was soon confronted by his manager, he said. The manager reviewed a printout of Ingels' tweets in front of the defeated waiter, and said he was being fired due to various complaints -- one of them from Adams, Ingels said.

Barney Greengrass declined to comment due to a policy of not talking to the media.


Ingels still doesn't believe what he was doing was wrong. It was more documentation than slander, he asserted.

The out-of-work waiter is searching for jobs in catering to support himself and his daughter. Ingels still appears to hold some spite for Adams. "All she could think about was herself and her pride and her ego," he griped.

He's a waiter--he can get a job at the Sizzler. He can work for anyone. He can work in a grocery store shucking corn in the produce aisle. He'll be fine. It's Jane Adams I'm worried about. Anything that derails your fabulous career is something to crush and destroy. Kudos to you, Miss Adams. You saw a bug heading for your windshield, and you gunned it.