They're Going to Get You For Being a Douchebag

No one should expect to get away with rampant douchebaggery:

The TLC cable TV network says it's suing Jon Gosselin for breaching his contract as star of the reality show "Jon & Kate Plus 8."

The lawsuit, filed Friday in Maryland, alleges that Gosselin hasn't met the obligations of his contract as an exclusive employee, has appeared on other programs for pay and made unauthorized disclosures about the show.

Gosselin has starred for two years in "Jon & Kate Plus 8," which has been consumed in recent months by marital turmoil as Gosselin and his wife, Kate, feuded, then filed for divorce. The couple are the parents of young twins and sextuplets.

I would imagine that the contract signed with TLC was eighty or ninety pages of specifics, and Mr. Gosselin's decision to become America's Douchebag Daddy and have his mid-life crisis twenty years early likely runs afoul of most of the rights he signed away.

In the event that they take what little money he has left, and in the event that he is left partied out, broke, and sleeping with whatever trips and falls into the broom closet with him at the Motel 6, he can look forward to watching himself become the guy who can't pay his bills and can't work because everyone will hound him. He'll remember the good times, when he had money, a family, a home, and a future. All he had to do was put up with the screaming, controlling dingbat in his life. It's called "earlid," and all you have to do is tune them out, sir. My problem is, I would tune them out and I wouldn't be listening when they would give me ultimatums.

In America celebrity doesn't actually kill you, it just makes your life suck in ways you couldn't have imagined when you and your pretty wife were signing all those papers.