Drunk Hobo Begs Trump For a Pardon

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Once someone got a pot of coffee into Steve Bannon, he realized that there were seven or eight days missing from his memory. What the hell did he do? Why was he wearing hobo clothes? Why were strangers yelling at him from all sides?

Oh, hell:

President Trump’s former chief strategist offered a semi-apology Sunday after days of withering castigation from the White House over his scathing comments in a new book, praising Trump in a public statement that aimed to soften his earlier criticism.

Stephen K. Bannon’s mea culpa came as Trump and his senior aides continued a barrage of public insults against him. The president’s top policy adviser, Stephen Miller, on Sunday called Bannon an “angry, vindictive person” whose “grotesque comments are so out of touch with reality.”

In a written statement, Bannon asserted that passages in “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House” by Michael Wolff in which he was quoted as being critical of Donald Trump Jr.’s contacts with a Russian lawyer — calling their meeting last year at Trump Tower “treasonous” and “unpatriotic” — were a mischaracterization. 

Bannon insisted his criticism was aimed not at the president’s eldest son but rather at former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort, who was fired and is facing charges in special counsel Robert S. Mueller III’s Russia investigation. Manafort, who also attended the meeting along with Jared Kushner, Trump’s son-in-law, should have known “how the Russians operate,” Bannon said.

There is no evidence to suggest that Bannon's drinking got the better of him after going on a bender. I've checked, and no one has found him under a bridge with seven empty bottles of Mad Dog 50/50 and a Heath bar smeared behind his ear. These are all suppositions based on his hygiene and general appearance.