You Can't Catch Lance Armstrong


Well, that was money well spent. Despite the veritable bevy of scorned teammates who swore up and down that Lance Armstrong was a dirty cheater, he's free and clear until someone else can make up something and go after him.

Look, professional cycling is the dirtiest business on Earth. It's dirtier than the Thai golf cart handjob business (in Thailand, golf carts filled with old ladies drive around at three AM, giving passed-out tourists handjobs in exchange for soiled socks and underwear, which are cleaned and exported to North Korea). It's dirtier than anything on Wall Street. It's a mess, in other words, and Lance Armstrong rode that mess to victory. You're not going to take away his seven titles, at least not until someone figures out a way to go back in time and defeat his ability to stay ahead of the medicine and the science.

It's just not possible to have any heroes anymore. There is too much money to be made on endorsement deals. Take those away, and you might have a shot at having a hero or two out there.