The Accident That Wasn't

This is how Snooki said hello to the Italian police
Did you hear? "Snooki" did something wrong in Italy. The problem is, doing something wrong in Italy is like breathing in Florida--it was bound to happen sometime. And what we're handed is a load of phony outrage and nonsense from the dreary twits who write celebrity blog articles. Someone has decided to make a lot of hay out of nothing:
Jersey shore star Snooki put Italian two police officers in hospital tonight after she crashed into their patrol car.
The 23-year-old was driving the Fiat Multipla with co-star Deena in the front seat and production crew in the back when the accident happened in the evening rush hour.
Reports that she had been 'taken into custody' were denied by police but they did say she had been questioned at length about the crash and may face charges at a later date.
Accidents such as this one are a common, everyday occurrence in Italy. I'm shocked that one car didn't end up on fire, sticking out of the other car at a weird angle, since that's pretty much how they drive in Italy. A normal traffic accident in Italy involves flames, alcohol, three goats, a dead member of parliament, his girlfriend, his girlfriend's hairdresser, the long-suffering wife, her lover, three candlesticks that have been shoplifted from a run-down shop, gunfire, shattered glass, ball bearings being hurled into the sky with howls of abandon, screaming, more screaming, and faint gesticulating. If this is the worst thing Snooki does in Italy, she's doing rather well. I see no limbs under the car. The urchins of Florence live to beg another sad day.

The problem is, the media have zero points of reference when it comes to things that happen in places like Florence, Italy. Anyone who has ever driven in Italy knows that there are virtually no laws, no ethics, no norms of behavior when operating a motor vehicle.

Confusion, panic, and speed are comfortable companions for anyone crazy enough to drive in Italy.

Red lights are suggestions that few, if any, drivers bother to follow. Changing lanes is accomplished with abandon, not caution. Running over a pedestrian is the pedestrian's fault, no matter what. Rear-ending someone while admiring a woman's figure is considered patriotic in Italy. Driving the wrong way down a road filled with orphans and nuns is perfectly acceptable if there's football on. If you were to arrive at a four way stop in Italy, let me explain how things work. Laws are for fools. The reality is, the man driving around aimlessly with the biggest gun who puts down his wine glass and shoots first has right-of-way. Smashing into things is considered a polite way to inquire about someone's basic welfare. 
And this little fender bender is Italy on a good day. I see no severed arms and there is no donkey cart to speak of. Give that lovely lady a medal.
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