Fat Guys on Four Wheelers Did This

Photo seized from Flickr, but credited to: http://www.flickr.com/photos/cowlishaw/I've never been so certain of anything in my life:

A prominent sandstone arch at Valley of Fire State Park in southern Nevada has collapsed.

Park rangers said it appears Natural Arch was claimed by forces that will eventually destroy about 300 others in the park: gravity and erosion.

They said horseback riders notified them about the damage Wednesday, and no one has reported seeing it fall. While it's unclear exactly why and when the arch collapsed, there's no evidence of vandalism, rangers added.

"Maybe someone tried to take a picture on the rock, which we don't recommend, but there's nothing here that proves this was done on purpose," park supervisor Jim Hammons told the Las Vegas Review-Journal.

Yeah, give it a rest Johnny Law. I know what happened. I'm fairly certain that a small group of four wheeled All Terrain Vehicles were riding on the arch when it collapsed, probably injuring at least one or two people who were, obviously, too fat to be riding ATVs. The bulbous continuation of the arch and the ridges on the right side of this image show ATV tracks. Anyone with a brain can spot this.

Crap. Now, all of a sudden, I'm Andy freakin' Borowitz. Someone, anyone--please kill me because I'm lame.