Know Your Orthodox Priests Before You Experience Roid Rage

Greek Orthodox Priest


As much as I want to try to help people understand that, yes, there is a Greek Orthodox Church, and, yes, it is a Christian religion that has been around since forever, there’s a part of me that realizes that many people are simply too stupid to understand anything at all about the world in which we live:



Marine reservist Jasen Bruce was getting clothes out of the trunk of his car Monday evening when a bearded man in a robe approached him.


That man, a Greek Orthodox priest named Father Alexios Marakis, speaks little English and was lost, police said. He wanted directions.


What the priest got instead, police say, was a tire iron to the head. Then he was chased for three blocks and pinned to the ground — as the Marine kept a 911 operator on the phone, saying he had captured a terrorist.


Police say Bruce offered several reasons to explain his actions:


The man tried to rob him.


The man grabbed Bruce’s crotch and made an overt sexual advance in perfect English.


The man yelled “Allahu Akbar,” Arabic for “God is great,” the same words some witnesses said the Fort Hood shooting suspect uttered last week.


“That’s what they tell you right before they blow you up,” police say Bruce told them.



Greek Orthodox Priests generally don’t shout “Allahu Akbar” because of the fact that they don’t speak Arabic, they don’t believe in Allah, and because they believe wholeheartedly in Jesus Christ. There there’s the fact that this happened on Monday, not long after the Fort Hood shooting rampage, which is probably where the young man got the idea, in a panic, no doubt, to try to glom onto what happened there and earn a little sympathy. I believe that we can perhaps think about forgiving the young man for lying through a human growth hormone and steroid-laced chemical fog that has warped his brain, probably similar to the one that drove Roger Clemens throughout much of his later years in baseball. Clearly, his ‘roid rage (he’s into that stuff and has blogged about it) and his inability to deal with the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that he most emphatically does not have because he has never deployed as a Marine indicate that he’s just a violent, reactionary young man with no judgement or impulse control.


Know your Greek Orthodox priests, my friends. Oh, and Sikhs aren’t Muslims, sir. I know you’re looking at what’s on their head, and I know you’re flushed with anger and you’re confused, but they’re not Muslims, so calm down.