The Spy Who Was Too Dumb For Words

This Secret Squirrel knows where you have hidden your nuts, sir


The bad economy has driven many people to desperation. Some people join the military, thinking, whew! Obama is President now and he's not going to escalate any existing wars.Some enter into reality television deals or stage elaborate hoaxes--if there were any examples of such things, I would surely link them, but I can't think of any because, well, my head is like a balloon and I really, really feel like having my kid do something stupid so I can get attention for myself. Some start blogs and put up hotties and--wait, I'm doing quite well. I put up hotties because, frankly, why wouldn't you put up pictures of hotties? You'd be crazy not to.


The bad economy--I'll start again--has driven many people to the kind of desperation that leads to things like this:



A former U.S. government scientist who served in sensitive positions on classified aerospace projects has been arrested and charged with trying to deliver classified information to someone he thought was an Israeli intelligence official.



No, that is NOT David Letterman--it's Stewart David Nozette


Stewart David Nozette of Chevy Chase, Maryland, was taken into custody Monday by FBI counterespionage agents of and was expected to appear in a federal courtroom in Washington on Tuesday.


The criminal complaint does not accuse the government of Israel of any violations of U.S. law.


In an 18-page affidavit, the FBIsets out the case against Nozette, 52, who received a doctorate in planetary sciences from Massachusetts Institute of Technology.


The FBI document, signed by Special Agent Leslie G. Martell, says Nozette in January 2009 told a colleague "that if the United States government tried to put him in jail" on an unrelated matter, Nozette would move to Israel or another unidentified foreign country and "tell them everything" he knows.


Nozette had a "top secret" clearance, and served at the White House on the National Space Council for President George H.W. Bush, the affidavit says. Later, from early 2000 to early 2006, he did research and development for the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, the Naval Research Laboratory, and NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center, it says.




This gentleman was "low hanging fruit," and was too stupid to understand basic espionage. He was likely entrapped or enticed into what he did because of a shiny object or hypnosis. How could anyone be that stupid?


His party affiliation means nothing. He is a greedy dirtbag, and he joins the pantheon of fools who thought they could spy for money oh behalf of a foreign government and not get caught because he is, of course, smarter than anyone in the government.I truly do not understand how anyone this inept would go so far as to do what he did. Nozette was--using a post office box and then asking for an Israeli passport. Unbelievable.


Why couldn't he have bothered to use the methods preferred by Robert Hanssen and have found a nice park somewhere to pass his information in a dead drop? He could have used the 50 yard line at FedEx field next Monday night when the Redskins play the Eagles, because no one will be watching. Memo to all potential spies out there--go ahead, follow Mr. Nozette's methods very clearly and make certain that you only speak to your contacts on the telephone, in public places in Washington D.C. so the FBI doesn't have to drive out to the suburbs. Remember to make sure you use post office boxes, which are all under video surveillance, and always ask for a passport to the country for which you are spying so that no one is suspicious. It's not like they track things like passports, especially when you haven't had your Top Secret clearance for three years and when you aren't an Israeli citizen.


Really, follow those steps--you'll have ten or twenty grand in your pocket for as long as it takes the FBI to come and get you.