Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Pennsylvania State Legislator Doug Mastriano May Be in Serious Trouble

Oh shit, they have the receipts from your almost successful attempt at staging a coup that would have assassinated at least three members of the presidential line of succession:

Campaign finance records show that State Sen. Doug Mastriano’s campaign spent thousands of dollars on charter buses ahead of the Washington D.C. rally that ended with supporters of President Donald Trump violently storming the halls of Congress last week during an insurrection.
Mastriano (R-Franklin), rumored to be a future GOP gubernatorial candidate, has faced calls to resign for attending the rally. A review of the state senator’s campaign finance records shows that his committee paid $3,354 to Wolf’s Bus Lines in three installments for “bus reservations” about six days before Trump’s “Save America” rally.
The same week the payments were made, Mastriano posted an event on Facebook offering bus rides to D.C. on Jan. 6 — charging attendees $25 dollars for an adult and $10 for children.
Mastriano refused multiple requests for comment. Senate President Pro Tempore Jake Corman says Mastriano was within his First Amendment rights and declined to pursue punishment.

Insurrection is a messy business. 

First you have to find a vendor who has buses. Then you have to haggle over what kinds of buses will work. You don't want to use the expensive ones--your goober supporters who smear urine and feces everywhere on a regular basis could cost you a damage deposit. 

Second, you have to herd them into lines and ship them across state lines without anyone violating their parole or probation. What a hassle! Then, when your attempt to carry out insurrection fails, you have to gather up all of those hangdog faced losers and ship them back to wherever you got them and that's when they typically go to town on the upholstery of the cheapest bus you can find. 

Third, you have to tell a number of emotionally unstable adults that bringing their weapons on the bus is one thing but showing up the morning of the bus trip to a site of insurrection against the government of the United States with their emotional support animals is just unacceptable. Oh, no, another $500 for the damage deposit? Because a sick potbellied pig named Rushy Rushy Piggy Boi just shit all over the back of the luxury coach? Well, that's great! Fine! Whatever!

Fourth, you have to be careful no one finds out and whoops too late, bro.

Pennsylvania does not have a functioning legislature right now, but that's okay. The FBI has a plan for this sort of thing. 

1 comment:

  1. yep. Real proud patriots there. Gosh, they came from everywhere. All that mayonnaisy jello all in one place. trump said they appeared 'low class'. Wonder if they heard that? Or would they be proud of it, perversely ignorant.