In the 2016 election, columnists and reporters like Dana Milbank wrote endlessly about how fucking horrible Hillary Clinton was and that’s why, in no small part, we ended up with Trump.
Here, Milbank uses his real estate on The Washington Post’s website to launch a demeaning attack on Senator Elizabeth Warren that will help contribute to the media’s emerging narrative that she is a shrill, unfunny woman who makes horrible choices that men won’t like so no one should vote for her, ever:
Poor Elizabeth Warren.
She took President Trump’s bait and submitted to a DNA test to demonstrate her Native American genealogy — and, in so doing, may have doomed her presidential campaign before it began. Now the Massachusetts senator is not only enduring Trump’s “Pocahontas” insults(at least when he’s not calling another woman “Horseface”) but also being disparaged by Indian tribes.
“Senator Warren is undermining tribal interests with her continued claims of tribal heritage,” proclaimed the Cherokee Nation, decrying her “inappropriate and wrong” use of a DNA test, a “mockery” that dishonors “legitimate” tribal citizens.
Ouch. But I can understand why the Cherokees — and indeed all people of good taste — might wish to disavow Warren: It’s the crab mayonnaise.
Among the many unfortunate results of Warren’s recent DNA test suggesting she’s somewhere between 1/64th and 1/1,024th Native American by ethnicity: It inevitably draws attention to her contribution to the ’80s cookbook, “Pow Wow Chow: A Collection of Recipes from Families of the Five Civilized Tribes.” Under “Elizabeth Warren, Cherokee,” it lists five recipes, three of which were apparently cribbed from the New York Times and Better Homes and Gardens.
Worse, one of the recipes she submitted: “Crab with Tomato Mayonnaise Dressing.” A traditional Cherokee dish with mayonnaise, a 19th-century condiment imported by settlers? A crab dish from landlocked Oklahoma? This can mean only one thing: canned crab.
Warren is unfit to lead.
Yet it is difficult not to feel sorry for Warren. Though she doesn’t claim tribal membership, she clearly wants to be embraced. And so I extend an invitation to the senator to join my tribe. Warren should become a Jew. As Trump said when asking for African American votes shortly before praising Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee: “Honor us.”
Who else would get away with exhorting someone in public life to become Jewish so they can finally have good taste in fancy food than someone completely and utterly tone deaf about how sensitive people are to attacks of a racial, religious, or gender nature? Hey, maybe leave the Borscht Belt material on the back burner for a while, dumbass. There are real, actual Nazis curb-stomping people in New York City these days, so maybe leave it alone, okay?
Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, someone different from you is happy with who they already are?
This column is, of course, flat-footed and too clever by a half. Does any of this shit matter when we’re facing the destruction of American democracy? No, of course not. But, if you’re Dana Milbank, none of that matters because it’s more important to attack her for once putting forth a recipe featuring canned crab (oh, how our elites reveal themselves) and making a joke about how that disqualifies her from leading.
This sexist, sophomoric shit was everywhere when Hillary was running, and Milbank himself barely survived the “Mad Bitch Beer” debacle of his youth. And this is how they will bury her—they’re use that old “who would you rather have a beer with?” logic and come up with narratives like this one to demonstrate that it’s okay to vote for Trump again because, hey, at least he doesn’t eat disgusting things, right?
Senator Warren’s advocacy of American consumers, her law professor pedigree, and her ability to stand up to bullies makes her an easy target for someone like Milbank. The shortcomings of our elite press are evident every time Trump spews his puke funnel mouth in public behind the seal of the President of the United States of America. No one presents more of an existential threat to the the continued looting of the treasury and the destruction of the American Middle Class by Trump and his kleptocrats than Senator Warren. No one does more to reveal what a pant load of a useless life someone like Milbank has led as we watch our country sink into the morass of Trumpism.
And so it begins. The Hillarying of Senator Warren continues in the hands of a prominent writer who purports to write comedy for the Washington Post. Our elite media is about as useful as an open sore on a cold day.
The only thing I can conclude is that Yale really turns out some stinkers, doesn’t it?