This is my prediction for what the jokes are going to sound like--this is not what I actually think, it's just an idea:
Tiger Woods is about to find out what it's like to live like a black man in America.
The law is closing in on him, his wife just tried to kill him, and now the crazy bitch he was screwing just got a lawyer.
Granted, that's racist as hell, and I'm sorry I wrote it, but I had to write it, because it will be coming out of the mouths of every black comic in America who has had it up to here with how Tiger Woods has gotten a pass. He's gotten away with it, and now, the walls are closing in:
The Florida Highway Patrol is seeking a search warrant for hospital records that would document the treatment Tiger Woods received after an auto accident early Friday morning, TMZ.com has reported, citing unnamed sources.
The Florida state police, according to the Web site's report, want to determine if the injuries Woods sustained resembled those from an auto accident or domestic violence.
Woods, who was scheduled to compete at his Chevron World Challenge that starts Thursday in Thousand Oaks, Calif., will not attend or play because of injuries sustained in the incident, he announced Monday on his Web site.
Headaches and soreness will keep Woods from traveling to attend the tournament, The Golf Channel reported.
"I am extremely disappointed that I will not be at my tournament this week," Woods said on TigerWoods.com. "I am certain it will be an outstanding event and I'm very sorry that I can't be there."
When contacted Monday by ESPN, Florida Highway Patrol spokeswoman Kim Miller said the FHP has made no statements to anyone regarding Woods and warrants.
But according to the TMZ.com report, the state police think they can show probable cause of a crime committed during the events that unfolded Friday.
There may not have been a crime committed, but there was a whole lot of favoritism granted on account of where Woods lived (the rich part of town) and what he got away with (imagine someone being able to turn away the police, three days in a row, from their home).
I think that the African-American community has a chance to speak to this double standard in how Woods has been treated better than anyone in America. My point is that, sometimes, not even money can keep certain African-Americans from being treated unfairly by the police. Sometimes, you also have to live in the right part of town and be Tiger Woods in order to get away with having the same troubles all of us have.
Whatever the truth is here, we haven't gotten the truth out of Tiger yet. This is the worst possible example of mishandling public relations I have ever witnessed.
Here's what I've had to say on my main blog, here, here, and here.