Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Kiefer Sutherland and a Rare Brush With the Law

I was shocked to read, earlier this year, that actor Kiefer Sutherland had had a brush with the law. I know, you just wouldn't expect him to have problems with Johnny Law. It's completely out of character for him.

Sutherland was accused of using his skull to knock a man down. I know, this is not like him. Not like him at all. No worries, though, because the charges have been dropped:

Misdemeanor assault charges have been dropped against "24" star Kiefer Sutherland in a head-butting incident at a New York City nightclub, according to Alicia Maxey Greene, spokeswoman for the Manhattan District Attorney's office.

"We decided to drop the charge after a full investigation, including after speaking to a complaining witness, who was uncooperative," Greene told CNN Tuesday.

The charges stem from an incident in which Sutherland allegedly head-butted designer Jack McCollough at a New York City nightclub in May.

McCollough had claimed he was "the victim of a vicious, violent, unprovoked assault," according to a statement released after the incident from McCollough's publicist..

Several weeks after the incident, Sutherlandand McCollough issued a joint statement, through Sutherland's attorney, in which Sutherland apologized.

Now, there's where Sutherland screwed up. Never apologize, ever. Never, ever say you are sorry. Your enemies will pounce. In Sutherland's case, his status as the point man in our fight against terror leaves him vulnerable to nuisance lawsuits and the like. A few more years of what we have now, and terrorists are going to sue Sutherland in Federal Court for defamation of character, and the Democrat-appointed liberal judges will rule in their favor. All of this over a little bum scuffling in a nightclub. Big deal.

When you run into someone who needs head-butting, you have your assistant do it. I have often turn to my new assistant, Peej, and instructed him to head-butt whoever is bothering me at the time. It is true that Peej balked at head-butting a Johnny Law who was haranguing me about driving with a dead deer hanging from the pushbumper of my Lexus SUV. Apparently, you're not allowed to drive around with "trophies" unless you're actually out hunting with a rifle or a bow and arrow. Whatever.

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