An American Lion

The World’s Most Beautiful Pseudo-Dictator, Yulia Tymoshenko

Aside from provoking what’s left of Russia, why aren’t we doing more to keep Ukraine out of the Russian camp?

Ukraine has sought membership in North Atlantic Treaty Organization for more than a decade, turning its back on Moscow to seek closer security ties with the West. But after years of being rebuffed, Ukraine now looks like the unwanted third wheel in the Moscow-NATO relationship. Two weeks ago, NATO told Ukraine that its difficult road to membership was going to get even tougher next year. A day later, at a summit in Brussels, Russia agreed to do more for NATO in Afghanistan.

Left out in the cold, Ukraine might have to turn to Moscow rather than Brussels for military protection, becoming part of the Russia-dominated Collective Security Treaty Organization (CSTO) rather than NATO. Indeed, Ukraine’s presidential elections next month might well put a decisive end to the country’s NATO hopes if a more Russian-oriented leader wins, as now seems likely. It is an amazing shift. Less than two years ago, Russia was threatening to point missiles at Ukraine if it went ahead with NATO membership. But now, the U.S.-led alliance has prioritized ties with the Kremlin, while stringing Ukraine along with promises it might never fulfill. The ultimate result might be an increasingly Russia-dominated Eastern Europe, with the CSTO resembling a modern version of the Soviet-era Warsaw Pact.

“In 1996, when we agreed to give up all our nukes, [NATO] agreed to guarantee our security. But they haven’t done that,” explains retired Major Gen. Vadim Grechaninov, president of the Atlantic Council of Ukraine, which advises the government on NATO relations. (Before it disarmed, Ukraine had the world’s third-largest nuclear arsenal behind Russia and the United States.) “The demands are increasing, but membership isn’t getting any closer.”

Someone needs to fast track Ukraine, and pull it back from an alliance with Russia. What’s to fear from the old bear? I’d rather have Ukraine turned towards Europe than towards Moscow. And, I’d marry Yulia Tymoshenko if that would accomplish such a thing. I’d marry her, and I’d do whatever I could to make her happy. I realize she’s still married, but, hey, when it comes to getting things done, I’d be willing to wait for her to get a quickie divorce, if necessary.

Look, I’m a patriot. I’ll do whatever I can to serve my country. Let it not be said that Norman Rogers wouldn’t marry a beautiful, rich, intelligent Ukrainian gas princess when he country demanded it.