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The Frisky Mole Boy of Groton

Norman Rogers recounts the summer he spent hiding from the stern love of his father and living as the world-famous "frisky mole boy" in the Groton, Connecticut sewer system. The Frisky Mole Boy of Groton seduced the women of the town and solved crimes, all while subsisting on a steady diet of depravity and confusion.

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    Entries in Football (12)

    Tuesday
    Jul202010

    Could Reggie Bush Lose the Heisman Trophy?

    Reggie Bush accepts the Heisman TrophyI may have whiffed on this post--thinking that this meant that Reggie Bush would consequently lose his Heisman Trophy award. That's not the case, as of yet. Be that as it may. Wow:

    In a press release announcing the "retirement" of Mike Garrett as athletic director and the naming of Pat Haden as Garrett's replacement, USC president-elect Max Nikias addressed an issue that's been the source of much discussion/debate and plenty of controversy over the past few months.

    Reggie Bush's 2005 Heisman Trophy.  Or, as the case is now that there are new sheriffs in town, Reggie Bush's former Heisman Trophy.

    Prefacing his remarks in the release by stating that the "Trojan Family honors and respects the USC sporting careers of those persons whose actions did not compromise their athletic programs", Nikias wrote that he has "instructed the senior vice president for administration to remove athletic jerseys and murals displayed in recognition of O.J. Mayo and Reggie Bush by mid-August... from Heritage Hall, the Galen Center and the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum."

    Then, Nikias' coup de grâce.

    "The university will also return Mr. Bush's 2005 Heisman Trophy to the Heisman Trophy Trust in August."

    That's a terrible, terrible outcome. This is a sad way to settle the findings of the investigation that looked into the nefarious deals that went down during the reign of USC Football and during the Reggie Bush era. This isn't about the past; this is being done to show the NCAA that USC means business, and what they want are future scholarships and television broadcast revenues for games that are coming up. USC doesn't care a whit about Reggie Bush. He can no longer make any money for the university. USC is worried that the next possible Reggie Bush (or cash cow, if you will) is going to go to UCLA or somewhere out east.

    I have to think that Pete Carroll's star has been significantly diminished by all of this, just by close association, but perhaps the worst thing to consider is that a young man COULD LOSE his immortality. The Heisman Trophy used to be a lot bigger deal than it is now, and those of us who came up in the Fifties and Sixties can recite you chapter and verse on the players who played for it and won it.

    This does not change the fact that, yes, Reggie Bush really was the best college football player of 2005. This was a well-deserved award. It does turn out that the young man wasn't eligible, but eligible does not mean without talent. It means without the eligibility to display that talent in an NCAA football game. And that's a sad state of affairs, to see that the recognized talent of the young man in question was real, but presented in a package and a program that was outside of the rules. Was it worth it? Of course not. But, to struggling people who need or want money, the symbolism of the Heisman Trophy really doesn't mean anything, does it?

    What a tragedy. Does anyone realize just how huge this is? Or is this just the lament of an old timer?

    If he does, in fact lose it, then I think that his already fading star will have faded quite a bit more.

    Thursday
    May132010

    Why Didn't You Just Say So?

    Lawrence Taylor's infamous Saved by Golf coverMakes sense to me--Lawrence Taylor isn't guilty of raping that underage girl because all he did was masturbate, you see:

    Sources directly connected with Lawrence Taylor tell TMZ the NFL legend's defense to rape is masturbation.

    We're told Lawrence will not deny he was in the same room as the 
    16-year-old prostitute, but his lawyer will argue Lawrence did not have sexual intercourse -- an element of third degree rape.

    As one source put it, Lawrence engaged in a "masturbatory act" and that was it.

    According to New York law, "A person is guilty of rape in the third degree when ... he or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person less than seventeen years old."

    Interestingly ... in the criminal complaint against the alleged pimp, authorities allege Taylor engaged in "sex acts" but there is not mention of sexual intercourse -- a requirement for 3rd degree rape.

    So, it's all good. If all you do is masturbate in front of a sixteen year-old girl, you're simply not guilty. I think that this would apply to only those individuals who have a whole lot of money and can afford a really, really good mouthpiece of a lawyer. I guess that Mr. Taylor can resume his career of doing whatever it is he does, and go back to being saved by golf.

    Sunday
    Feb282010

    Changing the Rules of Football Will Upset the Space-Time Continuum

    I don’t know if this will get off the ground when the money men from Vegas get wind of it:

    Many NFL fans have been calling for a change to league’s overtime rules. The league isn’t prepared to throw away its luck-of-the-coin-toss, winner-take-all approach just yet, but it is planning to discuss an adaptation to the format for the playoffs. According to a league spokesman, the new system being considered would allow both teams to have possession at least once in overtime of a playoff game, unless the team which receives the ball first (a.k.a. the team that wins the coin toss (except for that one time with Detroit, but chances are the league does not expect the Lionsto be in the playoffs any time soon)) scores a touchdown. The competition committee will further consider the proposal at the league meetings next month. Two thirds of teams would need to agree with the proposal for it to be adopted.

    Yes, but what do the gamblers say? That’s the only constituency that the NFL really cares about. The overtime is supposedto come down to the coin toss; since that is what decides most situations in life, letting an NFL game come down to a coin toss is really what the decision to use it was all about in the first place.

    Let’s face it. If you win the coin toss, but cannot score, you deserve to lose the game.

    Monday
    Jan252010

    The Jersey on Your Back

    The National Football League exists as a monopoly—or does it? The NFL exists as a group of competitors who band together and form an entity that can be described as a monopoly—or can it?

    The United States Supreme Court is having a look at the NFL and a case involving an apparel maker that was shut out of doing business with the NFL years ago. The Los Angeles Times weighs in with an editorial:

    American Needle Inc. used to be one of several companies that provided souvenir sportswear for NFL teams. But it lost its franchise when the league reached an exclusive contract with Reebok in 2000 to manufacture caps bearing team logos. American Needle wants a trial to prove that the NFL is an alliance of separately owned teams subject to a federal antitrust law prohibiting monopolies and contracts or conspiracies “in restraint of trade and commerce.”

    The dispute has attracted unusual attention not only because of its connection to professional sports — how many cases can be featured on both ESPN and C-SPAN? — but also because a decision could extend beyond arrangements for the sale of caps and sweat shirts.
    Players fearthe NFL’s argument that it is a single economic entity could be used to prevent them from negotiating with individual teams for salaries and benefits. But that doesn’t follow automatically from a decision in favor of the NFL in this case.

    Can the NFL restrain trade and commerce? I would say, no, it cannot. The teams that make up the NFL are rooted in communities all over the country.

    Cities and communities build roads and infrastructure to accommodate NFL teams; not just stadiums and the like. This is how an NFL team can derive enormous benefit from being in a particular location; the league, after all, has control over where a team can be located. The league can veto a franchise move if it wants to do so. That makes these teams more beholden, or as beholden, to the places where they do business as they are to the league. The NFL cannot then turn around and selectively do business with one group and shut out another. That is the definition of restraint of trade, since the NFL has team logos, likenesses, and profitable merchandise that it can use as a weapon to drive companies out of business if it uses those assets to favor one entity over another. How do you compete with someone who has the exclusive rights to Pittsburgh Steeler merchandise? If you can’t tap into the huge market for jerseys and team apparel, you have a significant handicap. 

    The process of deciding who can, and who cannot, sell NFL merchandise comes down to “more is better” and I don’t have a problem with quality standards. I think that, if you are going to manufacture NFL apparel, you should have to meet quality standards to ensure that “cheap knockoffs” don’t tarnish a brand tied to the community in which it operates. It has to be open to competition and bidding, and it has to do business openly and honestly in the communities where the franchises are located.

    I think there’s also an issue with taxation. Specifically, if the item can be taxed, how can it be exclusively made and available from only one source? We’re not talking about an exclusive item; we’re talking about clothing. Can you have restraint of trade when something can be sold anywhere to anyone?

    Wednesday
    Jan062010

    A Great National Crisis Has Been Averted

    When I found myself weeping uncontrollably this morning, I knew it had to be because something had gone terribly wrong during a Bowl Game that I did not bother to watch:

    University of Missouri administrators have apologized to the U.S. Naval Academy for what it says was a misunderstanding by its band during the Texas Bowl game last week.

    The band has been criticized on blogs and online news forums for playing the Missouri fight song after the Naval Academy began playing its theme song after the game.

    The two bands had agreed before the game that the losing team’s band would play first, followed by the winner. Navy defeated Missouri 35-13 in last Thursday’s game. Missouri spokeswoman Mary Jo Banken said Missouri’s band didn’t realize the Naval Academy had begun playing.

    She says the school did not intend to to disrespect Navy tradition. The Naval Academy issued a statement saying it considered the issue a misunderstanding.

    If I don’t do any more blogging today, it’s because I had to reach out and holla at my peeps, and let them know that I was okay.

    Sunday
    Sep202009

    So Much For My Analysis

    The first person who gets to beat me up tonight is me.

    I believe it was an asshat who looks a lot like me who posted this:
    One cannot build a team around Favre or simply bring him into an existing system. He is too difficult, at this stage of his career, to coach. I don’t believe in “chemistry” on a team, but I do believe in systems and I don’t see where he integrates well with any system anywhere. You have to be disorganized, pathetic, and without essential personnel to want him, and if that describes the Minnesota Vikings, then they are welcome to the soap opera that is Brett Favre.
    I think I also called him a washed up diva who will ruin a team.

    Pardon me while I look at the numbers:
    Favre set another mark with his 271st straight start in the regular season, then threw two touchdown passes to help the Minnesota Vikings beat the Detroit Lions 27-13 on Sunday.

    “Every game I play in at this point, I’m pretty grateful,” he said. “I know how difficult it is.”
    Favre is doing it by sublimating his usual tendencies for the good of his team. He is keeping the ball out of the hands of opposing cornerbacks and safeties. He has a conservative quarterback rating of 95.3 right now, with three touchdowns and no interceptions.

    This is how he is doing it:

    Short passes? Running the ball? Spreading it around? That’s how you get to be 2 and 0 right now. Tom Brady, Phillip Rivers, Ben Roethlisberger, and Donovan McNabb aren’t even 2-0, but Bret Favre is 2-0 and that’s what matters.

    So, pardon me while I bow to his excellent start for the season, and say, with great emphasis on this, that I was emphatically wrong to suggest that he was washed up. Clearly, he has decided to keep playing football, and, so far, he’s playing it a very high level and he’s winning by putting his team first.