An American Lion

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The Frisky Mole Boy of Groton

Norman Rogers recounts the summer he spent hiding from the stern love of his father and living as the world-famous “frisky mole boy” in the Groton, Connecticut sewer system. The Frisky Mole Boy of Groton seduced the women of the town and solved crimes, all while subsisting on a steady diet of depravity and confusion.

Rampage of the Innocents is my unfinished but brilliant Historical Romance Novel (now, with more sex and violence for my teenaged readers)

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    An American Lion

    Entries in Fashion (45)

    Wednesday
    Sep082010

    Banned in Italy?

    Julianne MooreThese wonderful and stylish images of actress Julianne Moore are, apparently, banned in Italy. What gives?

    Julianne MooreJulianne Moore

    There’s nothing to suggest that these aren’t a little risque, but worthy of being banned? Hardly. When did the prudes take over Italy? I must have missed that event.

    Sunday
    Jul182010

    Women Really Do Age With Grace Here in Europe

    Catherine DeneuveI've seen this sort of thing with my own eyes:

    If there is a secret to aging well, Frenchwomen must know it. At least that’s what Americans think. We look at actresses like Juliette Binoche, 46, or politicians like Ségolène Royal, 56, or superstars like Catherine Deneuve, 66, and figure that they must have special insights into the “maturation” process.

    And even the average Frenchwoman — say, shopping along the Rue du Faubourg St.-Honoré or enjoying a leisurely lunch on the Left Bank, or strolling through the Luxembourg Gardens — seems to defy the notion that, as one grows older, you either have to disguise that process with Botox, eye-lifts, lip plumpers and all sorts of procedures that convey a desperate “youthful” look, or else just give up altogether and let the ravages of time take their toll.

    But do these women really have the answers when it comes to the aging process?

    Women on both sides of the Atlantic realize that the keys to aging well are obvious, but challenging if you have bad genes, spend too much time in the sun or smoke a lot. But while American women, like me at least, approach personal care with practical efficiency, the Frenchwomen I know regard the pampering of the skin, hair and body as an enjoyable, gratifying ritual.

    Looking attractive, at any age, is just what Frenchwomen do, especially the urban ones. For Parisiennes, maintaining their image is as natural as tying a perfect scarf or wearing stilettos on cobblestone streets. Beauty is a tradition handed down from generation to generation. “My grandmother always told me, ‘Never neglect yourself, not even in the tiniest details,’ ” my friend Françoise Augier said, with a sweeping head-to-toe gesture. The French actress Leslie Caron, still Gigi-like at 79, told me her mother’s favorite saying: “Women’s skin is too fair to go bare.”

    Now, the last time I was in the United States, the women seemed hell-bent on presenting what we call the "hoochie mama" look, and a few months in Europe have left me wondering what all the fuss is about. Walking about town, I can see women aging with a great deal of style and grace. There are no hoochie mamas here, and for that I am grateful.

    The article cited above seems a little similar to this one, but that's just me being difficult.

    It always amazes me to find people who can live their lives with a relative degree of normalcy. Here's a slice of my life--Miranda calls me into the other room and says that she has a problem. She has, apparently, lost the screw out of the hinge of her sunglasses. All of it is a ruse, however. I'm rolling around on the floor trying to help Miranda find an imaginary screw that fell out of a pair of sunglasses just because she likes to see me struggling on my hands and knees--meanwhile, Peej is filming me as I'm looking for the screw that doesn't exist and everyone is laughing at me because I'm convinced that the best way to accomplish this task is to get a damp paper towel and a Maglite. Then, everyone sits down and comments about how I failed to pick up on the fact that Miranda didn't even have a pair of sunglasses in her hand.

    How do others live like normal people? How do these stylish women look at the trends and the popular notions of beauty and surpass what is normal? If ever there was a case to be made for rising above, it can be found on the streets of any town here in Europe. My God, the styles and the women and the culture are intoxicating. It's a riot of beauty.

    Anyway, as to the style and gracefully aging, thing, well, I can't pull it off. I'm still dressing like I did in college. People are aghast at the fact that I don't wear socks. Well, in the winter, they are. In the summer, it does seem more sensible.

    Friday
    May282010

    Holla When You're All Geared Up

    The dowdy by popular Jones Beach NikeIs it summer yet? I'm half way to breaking out my cooler and lighter tan slacks and my best blue dress shirts.

    Back in Maryland, my son Byron is winding things down and saying goodbye to all of the fantastic young fellows who would come over and hang out with him at our home in the suburban sprawl of Howard County. These homeys were cool beans to me, and very helpful when we would go out behind Sam's Club and ghost ride the whip in the parking lot.

    Granted, ghost riding the whip in a Chevy Suburban (or that crappy Toyota RAV 4 that Miranda drove) isn't that difficult; roll the windows down, ease up on the throttle by having your mechanic take it down a notch, and remember to wear your steel-toed boots. I have a pair that work really well--they are steel-toed low top work shoes from Red Wing. Worth every penny.

    There's a special shoe going on sale that celebrates Jones Beach, Long Island, and I'm not sure if I want a pair:

    A wildly popular sneaker celebrating Jones Beach has gone back on sale starting today at Street Gear NYC in Hempstead, Long Island.

    The Nike sneaker, sandy-brown in color, with the latitude and longitude of Jones Beach on the back, an image of the beach's historic lighthouse on the tongue, and a map of Long Island on the sole, went on sale last July. The 516 limited-edition pairs (that's Jones Beach's area code) sold out within a few hours.

    "I've been getting calls for them for the whole year, from as far away as Italy. There's such a sentimental feeling people have about Jones Beach, such an emotional attachment," Street Gear owner Richard Leggio told Newsday.

    They look dowdy to me.

    It's a low top court shoe, and it's not really meant for anything other than walking around Jones Beach so that you can look like...everyone at Jones Beach. Now, if my memory serves me, Jones Beach is where all of the Baldwin brothers who I can name worked as lifeguards. Can you imagine all of that back hair? When I think of these shoes, I now think of back hair. Great. Well, it's going to be a great weekend for me.

    Tuesday
    May252010

    Did Nikki Haley Have Sex With a Greasy Blogger?

    Nikki Haley, erstwhile candidate for higher officeIt had to have been done out of some sort of misplaced sense of mercy and pity:

    Just as state Rep. Nikki Haley (R) was beginning to gain momentum in South Carolina's competitive four-way June 8 gubernatorial primary -- especially after winning Sarah Palin's endorsement -- this story has the potential to dramatically alter the race to succeed Gov. Mark Sanford (R).

    Will Folks, a prominent South Carolina Republican blogger who was Sanford's former press secretary, admits to having an "inappropriate physical relationship" with Haley "several years ago." Haley has been married to her husband, Michael, for 13 years, and they have two children.

    Folks suggests that he's revealing his past relationship with Haley because it's being leaked to news organizations. "It is what it is, and aside from the Haley family – Michael, Nikki, Rena and Nalin – I feel no need to apologize or explain myself to anyone. People are human. We make mistakes. And as I have learned from experience, the key to life isn’t the mistakes we make, it’s how we choose to handle them."

    Haley denies any infidelity. "I have been 100% faithful to my husband throughout our 13 years of marriage," she said in a statement, per NBC affiliate WIS-TV. "This claim against me is categorically and totally false." Haley added that Folks' allegations was "South Carolina politics at its worst" -- although Folks' blog reportedly has been very favorable toward Haley's candidacy.

    Miss Haley is too lovely to have had relations with some goofball with a Will Ferrel complex. Here's what Will Folks looks like, by the way:

     Will Folks, Blogger

    Now, I'm not just a Republican, and a professional blogger, and a gentleman bounty hunter, and a retired investor and businessman--I'm also an expert on style and grooming. This sort of thing is in my wheelhouse, you see. This is what I know.

    Just glancing at this picture reminds me of a sad and disturbing trend among young men, and that trend is the unshaven boho look, dirty baseball cap and all. The only thing Folks has going for him is that he's wearing a shirt with a collar--his favorite basketball jersey probably caught fire when his Winnebago burned up after he and his frat brothers tried to deep fry a turkey down at the stadium when the Gamecocks were hosting some team that beat them senselessly up and down the field. He doesn't look like he knows what grooming even is. He looks like his husky boy pants are no longer an option, and all he can pull off is a modified student athlete look, complete with sweatpants and a pair of white New Balance court shoes, untied because he can't get past his own gut and lace them up properly.

    No one with any self respect would purse their lips and hide a triple chin with a beard like that and get away with it. This is a young man who is used to smirking at anyone smarter or cleaner than he is. Our colleges and universities are failing us; men used to leave college with a reasonable wardrobe and some sense of responsibility--at least, that's how it was when I left Princeton. Did I go around looking like a bag of rags and a refugee from the soup kitchen down by the Methodist Church? No, I wore a suit Sunday through Friday, slacks and a shirt with a collar every Saturday, even after Father instructed the family company to hire me and put me to work in overseas sales and distribution. Had I shown up for work wearing casual clothes, Father would have had me arrested. When I look at Mr. Folks, I can only conclude that he's never really held a job where there are standards. Anyone can wear a fleece. Few can make it look like it was their most reasonable option for the day.

    Besides, he seems to prefer the rough stuff:

    The 31-year-old Folks was arrested in July and accused of shoving his fiancee, Ashley Smith, into furniture during a heated argument. A week after Folks was arrested, he denied accusations that he shoved her.

    Folks received a 30-day suspended sentence, meaning he will avoid jail time as long as he stays out of trouble for the next six months. He also was ordered to attend anger management classes and not to contact his ex-fiance Ashley Smith.

    Folks says he hopes his guilty plea shows something about his character. He says he did not want to put his ex-fiancee or her family through a trial that would have exposed private details. He previously had denied the accusations.

    Folks has spoken publicly about the case a number of times. But Ashley Smith has remained silent until now, "I think I can understand why victims don't come forward with these kind of things. Because the process, the procedures that are involved with it make it very intimidating and very scary."

    There's a fellow with class--a man apart, really.

    No, the issue isn't that Miss Haley may or may not have gotten horny and had a romp with the fellow in order to get a little positive blog coverage. The issue is--why him? Why have sex with an immature young man who probably owes money on his student loans and can't pay it off because, well, he's a blogger? What character defect sent her into the arms of a boy?

    There must be something in the water down there:

    These allegations are just yet another in a string of embarrassments for South Carolina politicians.

    It all started with the fall from grace of Governor Mark Sanford, from there it's spiraled out of control.

    First we had the Lieutenant Governor Andre Bauer proffering up a preemptive defense against the perennial rumors that he's gay, while not addressing the other rumors that he's generally just creepy when he's gawking over the bevy of extremely young women who keep him company in most non business public settings, although I suppose they go hand in hand.

    Then there was the romantic imbroglio between Comptroller General Richard Eckstrom and Republican candidate for State Superintendent of Education Kelly Payne.

    This was followed up by essentially an oppo-dump by Wes Wolfe on Republican candidate for State Treasurer Curtis Loftis that included storming public court records and accusations of homosexuality and herpes.

    Then there was Lindsey Graham being told to "come out" by Tea Party activists rallying against his moderate position on Immigration Reform.

    Aren't there any men in South Carolina? You know, men who wash their hair with shampoo and shave once in a while? And hold real jobs?

    Wednesday
    May192010

    Don't Slam the Burger King Uniform

    How are you doin' Andy?It's not in my nature to be petty when it comes to blogging--hold on, someone's head exploded and it got all over me--but this sort of thing cannot go unanswered:

    [...] But here’s a kicker: Apparently we hold our political leaders to a higher standard than our rock stars, celebrities and sports heroes (with the possible exception of golfers). We want our politicians to be completely faithful.

    “No one seems to blink twice when a famous rock star has multiple sex partners,” the professor points out. “High-status sports athletes also tend to have a lot of sex partners.  People in America don’t want their politicians to do that, though.”

    But, as most people already know power is a heck of an aphrodisiac. Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger even said just that years ago – an observation Buss agrees with.

    “Take the same man and you photograph him in a Burger King outfit and the Burger King cap, versus the designer suit and the Rolex watch, and show the photos to women, and women will find Man A ‘unattractive’ and Man B ‘attractive,’” he says.

    No kidding.

    Am I seizing on the wrong thing? What else is new?

    My point is this. I beg to differ on the uniform choice. A uniform can look sexy. It can demonstrate responsibility and dutiful behavior, and that's sexy as hell. While the Burger King polo shirt may look a little frumpy, there are Burger King uniforms that feature a dress shirt style that is fairly attractive. These shirts are worn by the assistant managers and perhaps by the manager, him or herself. They can be fairly sharp.

    If you add an official looking nametag, and have the Burger King logo and words embroidered onto the shirt above the breast pocket, the appearance of the uniform isn't that bad. And, in this economy, if someone has a steady job where they are in charge of over forty or fifty people while their business makes thousands of dollars in profits per day, well, how is that less attractive than a day trader who hasn't made any money in 6 months or a real estate agent who hasn't sold a house in months?

    Yeah.

    Show me a man in America, circa 2010, with a job that pays him good money and I'll show you a woman whose legs will fly apart like a doublewide in a category five twister, uniform or no uniform.

    Got you there, didn't I?

    Peace out, homeys.

    Thursday
    Apr292010

    What Would You Pay to Be Comfortable?

    Khaki pantsI will just have to come right out and say this--pants make me uncomfortable. Pants really do a number on me. I have to wear them, otherwise I would be forced to go back to jail, but I refuse to wear the kinds of pants that make me sweaty or uncomfortable in any way.

    Many years ago, I settled on khaki pants, or duck pants, or some combination thereof. The most I'll pay for pants is about a hundred dollars. Anything more than that is just ridiculous:

    Even in a season when designers made no secret about reining in prices to appeal to the newly chastened luxury consumer, it is still possible to walk into a store and wonder what exactly they were thinking when a pair of khaki cotton pants — right there on the hanger, no special packaging or 3G plan or anything — can cost as much as an iPad.

    Never mind that classic button-fly chinos at Abercrombie & Fitch cost $70 or that Gap sells “original khakis” for $44.50. The fact that luxury chinos exist — and in surprising numbers — is another story, one that illustrates the challenge faced by designers to justify the still sky-high prices of their clothes. A distinctive design might strengthen the argument, but is $550 really a fair price for basic pants?

    How about $480, for plain khakis from Michael Bastian? Or $495 for light cotton twill pants from Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen of The Row? Or $595 if they are by Giorgio Armani? Or $780 for ones with elasticized cuffs from Bottega Veneta? Or is $350, as Thom Browne charges for chinos, the right price? The range suggests that since the luxury bubble burst, designers have no clue what customers are willing to pay.

    “The cost of creating those things has nothing to do with the price,” said David A. Aaker, the vice chairman of Prophet, a brand consulting firm. “It is all about who else is wearing them, who designed them and who is selling them.”

    I am part of the elite--I blog, I live abroad, and a I have a lot of money--but I don't consider myself part of the fashion elite anymore. I've moved on.

    In the time before I adopted the khaki pants look, I did wear skin-tight nylon pants, but that was because I was engaged in martial arts combat in Southeast Asia. That sort of thing required a kind of functional wardrobe I remember owning quite a few mesh t-shirts long before they caught on. Sometimes, when I think of Hong Kong, I think of those nylon pants. I'd wear them for days at a time, and I'd wring them out with tapwater when they started to smell bad. But, do you know what? Baby powder made them bearable. Even before that, in my husky boy pants phase, I really had a problem with chafing. I won't expand on that. I am too modest.

    Don't be judgmental about people who wear expensive clothes. They're just better, and more beautiful, than you are. Cowboy up and deal with it.

    Thursday
    Feb252010

    Since When is IKEA Cheap or Ugly?

    IKEA Kitchen

    You’re talking to a man who once spent $4,500 at an IKEA in order to outfit his daughter’s college apartment, which she then refused to live in after she discovered it was haunted by a “Mormon” ghost:

    A wealthy Icelandic couple is being sued for installing a cheap IKEA kitchen into an apartment they rented out at a swank hotel in New York City.

    The lawsuit filed in Manhattan Wednesday alleges that Jon Asgeir Johannesson and his wife installed an “ugly” kitchen from the low-cost household furnishings store into the 16th-floor apartment at the Gramercy Park Hotel.

    The lawsuit filed on behalf of the Paramount Realty Group of America Corp. claims the couple rented the apartment out for about $300,000, then failed to make promised renovations on time.

    Miranda contends that the “Mormon” ghost made her feel uncomfortable about drinking wine in her room and was constantly leaving Church of Latter Day Saints materials where she could find them. She had dreams about having bland, obedient children who hid secrets from her. I have no idea what’s wrong with Miranda, but she sure knows how to give me excellent material for my blog.

    I can speak with some authority about money, and, in particular, luxury. First of all, the couple went to IKEA and bought a kitchen. Depending on what they bought, it could certainly have been cheap but, by and large, IKEA allows people to actually outfit their home with great designs and very functional pieces. I have had wives who spent tens of thousands of dollars on kitchens, decor, living rooms, bedrooms, and all of that—it’s a sham. One man’s Ethan Allen is another man’s Room Store. Your faux elitism doesn’t impress me the way it used to. And it doesn’t really matter. The so-called “high end” people are just crooks dressed up nicer than the people who sell you reasonable things. There used to be a “high end” version of Home Depot. It was called “EXPO” or whatever, and Home Depot had to close them recently. Nobody was fooled by the pretend luxury, you see. I lived in the third or fourth richest county in America and the EXPO center in that county wasn’t open more than a few years, if that.

    Second, I can show you a randomly selected kitchen (above) and most Americans couldn’t even tell you that it is IKEA material. Most Americans are looking for a cold beer and something to fry potatoes on. They’re not expecting functionality and design, and that’s what IKEA gives you.

    Third, I would be willing to bet you that the contract between this couple and the landlord left quite a few Nordically-interpreted loopholes. Suck eggs, landlord. You got your kitchen, now go boil and egg and shut up. Icelanders are broke, in case you haven’t heard, and you’re damned lucky they had the taste to use IKEA rather than Wal-Mart.

    If you own and maintain luxury property, never leave it to anyone paying rent money to fix it up. Who has brains of mush in this regard? If you think you can call Mr. Foo Foo designer and his dingbat coordinator and spend $85,000 on a kitchen and do better than something from IKEA, be my guest.

    I can walk into any IKEA in the world and combine any of their designs and elements into something fabulous. I’m an artist, deep down, who has mastered the world of money, style and love. I can conjure magical things out of pine boards and counter-sinking pieces of tin. I can make the Gods hate me for doing what they cannot. I can crush the dreams of a thousand smart men. I can make a young lady squeal and fart at the same time, just with a look. I can watch the markets and drop the levers and go home at night with untold amounts of money firmly added to my portfolio. I can buy a suit that would look like curtains off the curtain rod on you but look like George Clooney in a dumb movie on me. I can melt stones and hammer metal and run down fugitives and blog like the colossus I am. I’m an American Lion, you see. This is what I do.

    Tuesday
    Feb232010

    I Hope They Don't Fire You, Mr. Tony

    Hannah Storm is on the far left…

    This would be a calamity:

    One of Hannah Storm’s outfitsThe network has suspended the co-host of ESPN’s “Pardon the Interruption” for making fun of Storm’s on-air outfit during his radio show, saying it resembled a “sausage casing,” according to the Sporting News Web site.

    Kornheiser apologized to Storm, a former anchor at CBS’ Early Show, the day after making the comments.

    An ESPN spokesman tells the Sporting News he will be suspended “for some time.”

    Kornheiser said Storm was wearing “a horrifying, horrifying outfit.”

    “She looks like she has sausage casing wrapping around her upper body,” he added. “I know she’s very good, and I’m not supposed to be critical of ESPN people, so I won’t … but Hannah Storm … come on now! Stop! What are you doing? … She’s what I would call a Holden Caulfield fantasy at this point.”

    The next day, Kornheiser offered an on-air mea culpa.

    “I apologize, unequivocally … I’m a sarcastic, subversive guy … I’m a troll, look at me. I have no right to insult what anybody looks like or what anybody wears. That, I think, should go without saying,” he said.

    Mr. Tony has been watching too much American Idol. He’s channeling Simon at this point; he’s too good to fire.

    He’s not too good to suspend, however, and I hope he gets some time off. Some broadcasters deserve a break—and I would disagree with Mr. Dan Levy here—Mr. Tony deserves a second chance. I agree with Mr. Tony when he says that, in effect, if you put a live microphone in front of people enough times, they certainly will say something stupid. I’m a blogger. I say something stupid every fourth or fifth post. I wouldn’t survive on network television, even though I am rather handsome and charismatic.

    Hannah Storm is ravishingly beautiful; she won’t have to worry about taking a shot from Mr. Tony. She is beyond his reach, in terms of fashion critiques. She should have made fun of his Sears catalog wardrobe and the whole thing could have been left at that.

    Tuesday
    Feb022010

    Nobody Wears Abercrombie and Fitch Anymore

    How lame do you want to be? Lame enough to wear Abercrombie & Fitch?

    Abercrombie & Fitch, the one-time sales and fashion star of teen retailing, has yet to show signs of recovery, raising questions about its grip on teen style.

    The New Albany, Ohio, company, seller of $40 T-shirts and $90 jeans, was among the worst performers during the holiday season, even with uncharacteristically high levels of discounting. The retailer posted a 19% decline in December sales at stores open at least a year, with its lowest-priced brand, Hollister, down 25% in December from a year earlier.

    Retail analysts said Abercrombie’s troubles go beyond pricing to its once unerring sense of style, a problem that could be trickier to fix. The logo T-shirt and torn jeans ensemble that Abercrombie made the unofficial school uniform a decade ago has played out, said Kimberly Greenberger, a retail analyst with Citigroup Inc. who tours malls every two weeks to assess trends. That misstep has created an opening for lower-priced competitors such as Aeropostale Inc. and American Eagle Outfitters Inc., which reported December sales gains of 10% and 7%, respectively.

    “The look is stale,” Ms. Greenberger said. “They need to figure out what the next hot trend is and push that, because that’s the only way out of this downward spiral.”

    The way out is to market clothing to people like me.

    I’m 65, but I’m a stylish man. I wear boat shoes without socks (although, when it gets cold, I switch to my LL Bean slippers, the kind that cover my ankles because I cannot abide wearing socks). I wear a blue shirt, tan khakis or duck pants, and it looks great on my frame. I’m still under 190 pounds and I’m tall. The ladies have always liked my flair.

    I used to wear this shirt:

    Talk about being cut perfectly for my frame. This shirt made me look good. Alas, when we were in the Caribbean last year, I was chased by two men on St. Kitts and they roughed me up pretty good, tearing the pocket and the seam on the right side of the shirt. I went to get another one, but they didn’t have my size.

    Most of what Abercrombie & Fitch has to offer doesn’t really work for me. Too preppy. I’m sensitive to being called a preppy. You call me a preppy, and we’re going to rock and roll, sir. There’s nothing between us but space and opportunity, and time is on my side. I am locked, cocked, and ready to rock.

    Back in the day, I would wear the Abercrombie & Fitch along with everything else, and it was fine. Then, they started pushing their clothing towards people in their teens and twenties. Guess what, Poindexter? Those people don’t have jobs anymore. They’re broke. They can’t afford this stuff anymore. And, more to the point, their parents are broke. The trust funds and investment portfolios took a righteous beating. This is all well documented. Back in the old, old day, such as it was, of course I wore husky boy pants. Yes, I went through a sensitive period where I was a tad bit overweight and not as tall as I am now. Those were days of rage, days of tears. I split the rear seat out of a number of pairs of pants, simply by being as frisky as I was known to be.

    Don’t listen to these old dingbats. They’re so broke, McDonald’s won’t honor their layaway plan anymore. Snap!

    It’s not about what a shirt costs. It’s about whether or not wearing it works for what I’m presenting on any given day. The presentation that is me doesn’t go down the Abercrombie & Fitch path anymore. I have moved on, primarily because they abandoned me. They abandoned the only customers they once had who still have money.

    Some business plan, huh?

    Monday
    Feb012010

    Annette Dawn is Remarkably Safe For Work

    Annette Dawn

    Annette Dawn

    Annette Dawn could make a tablecloth look like Vera Wang.

    Annette Dawn

    Annette Dawn

    Annette Dawn

    Annette Dawn has a gallery here…