An American Lion

Weasels typically trade sentimentalism for indifference

I know that I should be fair to poor David Wild, but I’m in a foul mood. I’m 65 years old, and fathering a child is nothing I would want to have thrust upon me. I skipped past the recent stories about how Irish singer Van Morrison “allegedly” became a new father. David Wild lost his mind and went all sentimental on the execrable Huffington Post:

When I was last interviewed Van Morrison for Rolling Stone in 2008 — something I’ve been privileged to do a number of times over the years — I asked him why he was performing his classic album Astral Weeks in concert so many years later, Van noted quite correctly that “the songs are timeless.” Apparently, Van’s songs are not the only things that are timeless. At age 64, Van the Man became a father again today with a baby boy named George Ivan Morrison III — also known as Little Van — and I say congratulations to this very much living musical legend and the baby’s mother Gigi Lee, who’s been managing Van’s career of late and doing a pretty great job of it, too.

As a mere fortysomething dad myself, my very best wishes are with Van and his newly extended soul clan tonight. I’ve had the pleasure of hearing Van sing with his lovely daughter Shana, who’s 39, and here’s hoping we all get to hear the two Vans sing together one day. Since his dad’s music has gotten me through many days and nights in my life, here’s a special birthday playlist for Little Van to help him into his father’s sublime music and some of the enduring influences who help make Van the Man in the first place.

“The Way Young Lovers Do” by Van Morrison
“Bright Side Of The Road” by Van Morrison
“Sweet Thing” by Van Morrison
“Steal My Heart Away” by Van Morrison
“Celtic New Year” by Van Morrison
“Heavy Connection” by Van Morrison
“Warm Love” by Van Morrison
“Mystic Eyes” by Them
“In The Garden” by Van Morrison
“Hungry For Your Love” by Van Morrison
“I Forgot That Love Existed” by Van Morrison
“Crazy Love” by Van Morrison
“Brand New Day” by Van Morrison
“Real Real Gone” by Van Morrison
“Hallelujah, I Love Her So” by Ray Charles
“Baby, It’s Cold Outside” by Ray Charles and Betty Carter
“Little Boy Blue” by Bobby “Blue” Bland
“Turn On Your Lovelight” by Bobby “Blue” Bland
“Everybody Needs Somebody To Love” by Solomon Burke
“Cry To Me” by Solomon Burke
“I Found A Love - Part 1” by Wilson Pickett
“I’m In Love” - Wilson Pickett
“Baby Stop Crying” by Bob Dylan
“Forever Young” by Bob Dylan

Okay, kids, what songs would you play Little Van, or Big Van for that matter?

Do they have a song for a sentimental jackass who ends up looking like the biggest rube on the planet? The man didn’t father a child—his website was hacked:

Van Morrison told an Irish radio station that his official Web site was hacked and that a statement posted on the site reporting that he had fathered a child with his manager was “utterly without foundation.”

In a statement to RTÉ’s News at One on Thursday, Morrison, 64, said he has asked his management team to conduct an “immediate investigation” into the most recent attack, which occurred on Tuesday.

The bogus statement claimed that Morrison had fathered the child with his American manager, Gigii Lee. The statement said the baby, named George Ivan Morrison III, was “the spitting image of his daddy.”

I can’t stop laughing. I don’t know what’s funnier—the hack itself or the fact that all of these people went goo goo gaga over something that could have been cleared up if Van Morrison wasn’t so averse to dealing with his fans.

Mr. Wild wasn’t the only one who claimed to have known Morrison and who went all teary-eyed and Beatle-nostalgic, but he’s the one who purports to be some sort of music industry genius. Suck eggs, Mr. Rolling Stone writer. Your magazine is trash, your sentimentality is boring, and your world is a prank you don’t understand. Wasn’t Rolling Stone supposed to be an “in the know” and hip magazine? Wild went on to comment that Morrison should cover “When I’m 64” by the Beatles. Excuse me, but I really don’t think Van Morrison wallows in the same shallow pool of lameness and gushing sentimentality.

Here’s Mr. Wild’s hipster, snark-tastic biography:

David Wild is an Emmy-nominated television writer, a best-selling author and a Contributing Editor for Rolling Stone. But what he really wants to do is write for free on Huffington Post.

Wild is producer of The Chris Isaak Hour on the Bio Channel. You can now follow David at twitter.com/wildaboutmusic

David also wants you to read his brand new book He Is … I Say: How I Learned to Stop Worrying And Love Neil Diamond because it’s very meaningful and he gets paid for that.

Aw, he wears his lameness on his shirtsleeve. How refreshing. Another Baby Boomer watches the culture leave him behind. Stay hip, bro.