An American Lion

Hey, why don't you write on me, Representative Flake?

I don't know if this constitutes a scandal, but I do not care.

When an elected representative can go to a remote island and make marks upon the shells of hermit crabs with a Sharpie pen, you know it is time to prepare for the end of the Republic:

This past summer, Rep. Jeff Flake went into the wild.

After two years of planning, the Arizona Republican spent a week on a remote, uninhabited island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, eating coconuts and fish he caught with a spear, purifying his own water, sleeping in a hammock on the beach, and writing daily in his journal.

He listed a number of reasons for going on this trip, calling them "more physical than spiritual." And while he didn't end up talking to a volleyball, like Tom Hanks did in "Cast Away," he did find some unlikely friends — a few hermit crabs.

"I picked up a hermit crab, and, spotting the sharpie, wrote the number '1′ on the back of his shell, and put a circle around it. I repeated this act whenever I felt a bit lonely," Flake wrote. Later, he added, "I've labeled 102 at this point with a sharpie marker. I just saw number one again today. He's remains one of my favorites, as is number 12, long since forgiven for pinching my toe."

Now, thank goodness, the Sharpie pen typically does not come with toxic ink.

Psych!

SharpieThe new AP (Approved Product) Seal, with or without Performance Certification, identifies art materials that are safe and that are certified in a toxicological evaluation by a medical expert to contain no materials in sufficient quantities to be toxic or injurious to humans, including children, or to cause acute or chronic health problems. This seal is currently replacing the previous non-toxic seals: CP (Certified Product), AP (Approved Product), and HL Health Label (Non-Toxic) over a 10-year phase-in period. Such products are certified by ACMI to be labeled in accordance with the chronic hazard labeling standard, ASTM D 4236, and the U. S. Labeling of Hazardous Art Materials Act (LHAMA).”

They are considered non-toxic for “normal uses,” meaning writing on posters, soccer balls, and such. However, they are not meant for use on skin or fingernails. It might take over an ounce of ink from a Sharpie to cause a lethal reaction, and if a Sharpie is used on the skin it generally won’t cause an immediate or obvious health effect. However, according to the manufacturer’s Safety Data Sheets (MSDS), various Sharpies contain: n-propanol, n-butanol, diacetone alcohol and cresol. The first of these, n-propanol, is commonly used in cosmetics. The other three, however, are industrial solvents, chemicals that should not be sniffed, eaten, or put on the skin. As solvents, they penetrate the skin and fingernails and can enter the bloodstream.

Magnum Sharpie, King Size Sharpie, and Touch-up Sharpie products contain xylene. The Magnum and King Size Sharpies also contain cresol. However, all other products in the Sharpie line do not contain either of these chemicals, and are considered safe under "normal use".

These chemicals are not tested for human consumption, only incidental environmental exposure. So the chemical manufacturers’ technical data sheets on these chemicals are ambiguous with respect to how much should be considered a hazardous dosage, but do warn of kidney, liver, and brain damage, other nervous disorders, and DNA effects resulting in birth defects. OSHA has set permissible exposure limits (PEL) at 100ppm for n-butanol, 50ppm for diacetone alcohol, and 5ppm for cresol.

Thank you, Representative Flake--I think you've done enough damage to the hermit crab population of the Pacific Ocean. Knowing that, for at least the next two or three thousand years, that hermit crabs will be born mutated, with numbers and circles on them, is bad enough. But telling everyone about it? Admitting you were lonely? Somewhere, a primary opponent is not downloading anything from my blog.

Oh, the humanity of it all. And, for a while there, I was feeling bad for introducing all of those rabbits to that island or whatever.