An American Lion

Here, a polite sailor explains that Rip Torn cannot get drunk and steal the USS Philadelphia

I don’t have a clue as to what happened here, but it’s either tragic or hilarious—take your pick:

Actor Elmore “Rip” Torn has been charged with breaking into a Connecticut bank and carrying a loaded handgun while intoxicated.

State police say the 78-year-old Salisbury resident was arrested Friday night after police found him inside the Litchfield Bancorp with a loaded revolver.

The “Men in Black” actor has been taken into custody and charged with first-degree burglary, third-degree criminal mischief, carrying a firearm while intoxicated, first-degree trespassing and possession of firearm without a permit. He is being held on $100,000 bond and is scheduled to appear Monday in Bantam Superior Court.

Last year, Torn was given probation in a Connecticut drunken driving case and granted permission to enter an alcohol education program. He also has two previous drunken driving arrests in New York.

I hope that, when I’m 78, my badassery is as legendary as this, but not so much with the legal jeopardy and all that, okay? Also, what is up with the link between male actors and their appearances on the sitcom 30 Rock? First Alec Baldwin, then Tracy Morgan, now Rip Torn. Just saying.

As an added bonus, the photo shown above is what I found looking for something on Rip Torn. This comes from a real website, by the way, and it is not something I just made up. When I enhance the photo, because I am weird that way, I would invite you to check out the security markings on the binder.

Rip Torn Visits the USS Philadelphia

Might want to sanitize the boat, skipper. Might want to sanitize the boat.